Crappy Halloween Costumes

Since today is Halloween, I decided that I would give a little advice, and generally be an asshole on the topic of Halloween costumes. None of these rules apply for little kids, let them be whatever the fuck they want, but for anyone going to Halloween parties (admission is usually cheaper with a costume) here are some costumes to not wear. I also realize that it's way too late to change your costume, but maybe if you picked any of these, you should just stay home.


The Ghost:

Come on... it's a friggin' bed sheet. Did you just pull it off your little bunk there? There aren't even any eye holes on the thing. This is good for scaring your roommate after he comes home at four am from a drinking binge, but not as a costume. How lazy are you? If you're going the lazy route, really go with it... wear an OSU shirt and say you're going as a retard or an asshole or something.

Disclaimer: Wearing a bed sheet with a bunch of random holes cut in it does not count as lame.

Poor Charlie Brown

The Pirate:

Is that a feather or a sword?

Pirate used to be a fine costume, because who doesn't love pretending to be a bloodthirsty plunderer and murderer, but it's way overused now. I'm not even talking just on Halloween, ever since Pirates of the Caribbean came out, pirates are all anyone ever talks about. If you want to loot things, be a Viking or a Hun or something.

Disclaimer: This does not apply to attractive girls pirate costumes. They can wear anything that they want... well, except for our next costume...

The Pumpkin:I'm a tool!

Um... yeah... Do I even have to write about this atrocity? She looks like a pumpkin cookie, or something.

Hobo:

A flannel shirt, raincoat and a bottle of liquor do not constitute a Halloween costume, nor does not shaving or showering for a week. This is a good idea, however, if you want to sleep on the bus and not be bothered or if you want to scare little children away from your box. However, if you want to look absolutely insane... definitely go for the 1920s crazy hobo clown costume...


Well, that's all... next up: What not to Eat on Thanksgiving.

Happy Halloween

Please expect a string of Halloween posts in the near future. I can make this promise because last Saturday night I was lucky enough to see The Creature From the Black Lagoon (in 3d). In order to even more so reassure this fact, Matt and Wynston were both there, and I could never ask for better muses of absurdity.

Tonight, however, I will celebrate Halloween in my own way by reading Ray Bradbury’s classic short story The Homecoming. It is amazing. I shit you not. This book smells like pumpkins, tastes like taffy, and from the first bite you can feel the razor blade in it. I'll also be listening to The Misfits. I recommend this exercise to anyone out there who feels to old to trick or treat, or just too far away from home for anything to feel right.
Halloween isn't like your birthday, it isn't depressing if you don;t do anything on Halloween, but it should be. Halloween is about getting into trouble, about stirring it up and bubbling over, and if there is any bit of little kid left in you, if you're anything like the fine people here at BSD, you can respect where I am coming from.
Happy Halloween readers and ghouls.

In the spirit of Halloween I’m dropping here a little treat from the one and only Tracy Morgan: Werewolf Bar Mitzvah


CL, spook

Worthless and Discarded Mascots: Alex Kidd

Nothing says "stuffed shirts trying to act cool" like the name Alex Kidd. But, he's not even a failed attempt at being cool. The California Raisins or Alf or Poochie, the rapping dog from The Itchy and Scratchy show were supposed to be cool, not Alex. Look at Poochie... his baseball cap backwards, sunglasses on, flashing some sort of gang signs while driving in his convertible. That's trying too hard to be cool... No... Alex was... well... just look at the little sucker.



What is he even supposed to be? An Elf? A rat? Some sort of space monkey? And look at those sideburns... They're hanging down past his chin, that's pretty darn impressive, actually. This thing was supposed to be Sega's mascot before Sonic the Hedgehog. Really makes you wonder why they decided to come up with a new one, doesn't it? I have no idea if any of the games he was in are any good, or if they were any good at the time, but I don't want to find out... Look at the guy. He's just begging for a mercy killing. I hope that big blue bear with the purple stubble and green hair puts him out of his misery.

You have to feel sorry for any Japanese kids stuck playing this

Is this Alex Kidd's father?

Michigan vs. Minnesota

Blegh...

I'm not quite sure what else I really have to say about yesterday's Michigan game. The 34-10 score does not indicate how awfully they played awfully in the first half, but after the beginning of the season, I'm not going to complain. A win is a win.

Minnesota carved up the Michigan defense in the first half with that halfback hand-off from the shotgun, the back running between the center and guard. I think it's a zone read of some kind, but correct me if I'm wrong. They ran it all day long.

Things got better in the second as the weather got colder. Mallett threw some nice long passes, but also made a couple really awful ones, a particularly bad screen pass to his receiver's feet comes to mind. Both Manningham and Arrington came up with some amazing circus catches that make me wish I had remembered to record the game.

Lastly, both Minor and Brown were sick. I'm not sure how much of it was a product of the atrocious Minnesota defense, but Minor rushed the ball 21 times for 157 yards and 7.5 yards a carry, and Brown rushed 13 times for 132 yards and 10.2 yards a carry. 10.2 yac?! That's just insane. That number is skewed by his 85 yard touchdown run, but that was a thing of beauty in itself.

Did I mention it was freezing? Maybe next time I'll be smart enough to wear something warmer than a raincoat.


Links:
The M Zone

Disclaimer: As always, all pictures taken from The Detroit Free Press.

I Hate Ohio

Look, I make it no secret how much I hate Ohio and everything related to even distantly to the state. I'm not sorry if this offends anyone, but they're obviously some sort of Ohioan or Ohio sympathizer and don't care what they think. I understand that this excludes about 11 million people from liking the blog, but I don't care about that either. Besides, I still have Paul in Cincinnati reading. So without further ado... Schadenfreude...

The Cleveland Indians lost to the Red Sox in game seven of the ALCS last night 11-2 after getting blown out the game before 12-2. I'm not sure how that even happens, but I can't help be feel wonderful about it.

Sure, I'm bitter because the Tigers didn't make the playoffs, but fuck it all. The Indians lost!

Look how depressed they look, isn't it wonderful?

Disclaimer: Image taken from The Boston Globe.

Champaign

I was gone on Saturday to Stratford, ON, so I missed the Michigan game. However, I managed to avoid hearing about the game (thanks to the fact that I was in Canada, I suppose) and I watched it last night at eight. I'm not sure whether it was the fact that I fast forwarded through all the commercials and pretty much all of the commentary between plays or it was just an exciting game, but it was exhilarating. I was nervous, but it was just a fun game to watch.

I don't have much time to write about the game or do any research because I have to read Measure for Measure, finish German classwork and finish writing an essay on The Canterbury Tales, but I do have some impressions.

- It was a great game, pure and simple and one of the most fun to watch all year.

-I thought that Michigan really opened up the offense on Saturday night, something I've wanted them to do all year. The end around to Arrington, who passed it to a wide open Manningham in the end zone was the sort of thing I'd been waiting to see for a long time. But it wasn't just one trick play, it was the fact that DeBord actually spread the offense with a variety of passes and formations and utilized the run well.


-Carlos Brown had a great game. 25 carries for 113 yards and a touchdown.

-How many fumbled snaps has it been this year?

-Mallett wasn't great, but I thought he did a good job of moving around in the pocket and avoiding the Illinois pass rush. His run for the first down and the toss to Brown really showed poise and thinking on his feet.

-While the interception he threw early was bad, Henne completely redeemed himself. It was an amazing performance from a hurt player and showed his leadership ability. What a badass. 18 of 26 for 201 yards only playing about half the game. Hart has carried this team all year, and Henne really stepped up when he was needed.

Lastly... holy shit did Illinois fuck that game up. Bone headed penalties, the muffed punt, and the revolving door at the quarterback position were just horrible. Zook can't coach for shit. Ten penalties for 107?! Come on. And Vontae Davis... he should be driven out of the Illinois. Wow did he have an awful game. Every the Illini made some stupid mistake, the camera was on him.

Kudronia
MGoBlog
Michigan Sports Center
The M Zone
Snyder

Disclaimer: Image taken from The Detroit Free Press.

Father and Son

It’s a dreadful day when you finally realize that your father is human, that the pillar of strength and discipline, that paragon of everything safe and good in the world is just as scared as you are, when you realize that he is just as flawed as us all.

It’s a terrible moment when you finally beat him at one-on-one and you know by the look in his eyes and the sweat dripping from his brow as you sink that last jump shot that this time he didn’t let you win. It suddenly hits you that you are too fast, too strong, too skilled, too young (and maybe not young enough). And maybe there is a triumph in that moment, a gloating, but that grin soon falls from your face. You know that the days of throwing a Nerf football in the front yard are gone, the days when a tackle meant being picked up in a giant bear hug. You can see it all in his eyes and the heaving of his chest, that strange mixture of pride and defeat that must come when your progeny eclipse you.

It’s a horrible feeling when you realize that your father can no longer help you with your math homework, that you’re a better speller than he, that you have a better grasp of astronomy and history and philosophy and Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, that you can beat him at Jeopardy without trying. And maybe some of it is just forgetfulness, and maybe some of it is technological and scientific advances, but you don’t think of that at the time. It just hits you like a dull thud.

The transformation in your relationship is not a sudden thing, it’s gradual, just as growing up is, but when you finally make that realization that he is human, it is the beginning of the end of the world as it once was. You begin to see his flaws in you instead of all the good and maybe you don’t want to be just like him anymore, maybe you want to strive to be better, strive to overcome those flaws. Maybe that’s natural and necessary, and maybe it doesn’t matter so much whether you succeed or not. It’s the mother bird pushing her babies from the nest and hoping that they fly. It is a jolt when the big picture appears to you, though, that you are your own person now, that nothing is tying you down anymore. You stand with him on a little cliff overlooking Lake Huron and stare out into the water, stealing yourself. You tell him he’s being an idiot, that he’s not thinking and the reason he’s arguing with your mother and that he made a scene is not because he’s upset with her, or you, but he’s stressed from work. It’s quite possibly the hardest thing you have ever done in your life, to confront him damned the consequences, but you succeed, you embrace and your world is turned upside down, is opened up. Maybe we all need that eye-opening jolt of realism to know who we truly are, but that knowledge never comes at the time. You just feel alone, and defeated in the moment of your greatest triumph. You feel lost and confused

And slowly you realize that he is no longer your boss, the King of the castle, but a cog in the unit that is your family. You realize that the two of you are equals, compatriots. He stops telling you what is right and you begin discussing things… there aren’t anymore time outs, or yelling, even when you do something boneheaded like flip his van over three times and almost kill yourself. He knows that you’re a smart kid (or maybe adult?), that you’re not going to make the save idiotic mistake again, he trusts you…

It’s a nice feeling, but one with immense consequences, because you no longer have that safety net. Sure, your parents are there for you, but you know that it is time for you to set out on your own, to make your own decisions, to make your own mistakes, to have your own victories. It is that old universal truth that freedom and safety are polar opposites. You are free from the nest, but not longer secure, and it is terrifying and terrifyingly exciting at the same time.

Crhmit 3pio

Hes in ur bahtrum having ur gai sehx


No ways meh 2.


lolcm, lol kthxbia

Basketball on Grass

Our Messiah

I didn’t go to the Homecoming game yesterday vs. Purdue because I have some sort of cold (complete with fever, coughing and copious amounts of snot draining down my throat), but it allowed me the opportunity to sit smack dab in front of my TV and thanks to the power of DVR watch every play in pretty good detail. I just fast forwarded through all the commercials and time between plays and focused on the action. This had the added bonus of my not really having to listen to the Big Ten Network commentators. I’m going to make a few quick observations before moving on to my main point:

- Michigan played well yesterday, offensively and defensively.

- While Michigan only got two sacks, the line seemed to contain Painter pretty well and actually closed the pocket on him.

- Henne was 21-28 for 268 yards and 2 touchdowns… just incredible.

- Hart had 21 carries for 102 yards and 2 touchdowns… in the first half. I’m starting to really get excited about the Heisman, he just better not be hurt badly.

- I thought Carlos Brown ran the ball well as Hart’s replacement, and he didn’t fumble, which was a nice change of pace for Hart backups.

- K.C. Lopata: 2/2 FGs, 6/6 PATs.

“When you look at our season, we needed a game that we played our best game. I think we did that." –Lloyd Carr

The team really did play great, and my confidence has actually been restored to this team for the first time since the summer.

Finally, what the hell was Tiller doing at the end of the game? Did he pull Painter to give his second string QB some reps, or was it because Painter was sucking? And what was with the two onside kicks at the end of the game?

Was he trying to give Michigan some practice fielding them seeing as they have been shitty at it (and special teams as a whole really) all season?

Did he actually think he had a chance to come back down by 41 with about two minutes remaining in the game?

Does Basketball on Grass require onside kicks at the end of the game? Is this like full court press?

Was he trying to make the score look less embarrassing by putting two touchdowns on Michigan’s second string defense?

Was he having so much fun that he didn’t want Michigan to run out the clock and have the game be over?

Okay, half of those ideas are complete jokes, but I honestly don’t know what was going through his head. Maybe someone else has an idea about this. If I’m not mistaken, he still had all the rest of his starters in (save Painter), which I don’t really understand seeing that the outcome of the game was a forgone conclusion and Michigan had pulled all of their starters. Give your scrubs a chance to play, Tiller!

Holy hell, is that Wilford Brimley?

Links:

Kudronia

Michigan Football Saturdays

Snyder

Wojo

Note: All pictures taken from The Detroit Free Press website.

Wilford "Eggman" Brimley

I honestly don't know what to say about this picture... according to Wikipedia, this was concept art for the infamous Dr. Robotnik. Seriously, just look at the fucker... he's a friggin' beaver in pink polka dots and hypno glasses. And is that a cat pillow? I thought Sega was supposed to be cool. Anyhow... here is Paul's take:

"He just wants some goddamn sleep. Sonic needs to stop eatin' chili dogs and listenin' to rap music." - Paul A. Rodgers


Oh, and he friggin' looks like Wilford Brimley.



"KONG... EATS... OATS!!!"

Comp Musings

It’s been a while, and I guess I could apologize, but I’m not sure I want to. I’m not even sure what is with all the Oedipal references lately. With the semester under way and things settling down, I hope I will get a chance to write more.

Sitting here in Composition, I decided that it would be a good idea to write something, considering that I’m not paying any attention to my professor. It’s not slacking off too badly, because I am composing… and my prof just told the class, “sharpen your diction”, so let see how that works. Besides, I find it hard to listen to a Comp professor who says “libarry”.

So, apparently they finally found the Northwest Passage, and Canada is getting militaristic about it. Good for them. It’s nice to see them take a stand on something other than hockey or how much they hate Quebec.

Speaking of which, I really wish Quebec would secede. I really think we need another country in North America to make things interesting.

I sat in the boondocks at the Michigan football game. I could barely even see the end zone opposite the student section because of the stupid press box. The game itself was rather gruesome… Michigan had control the entire game, but they never really pulled away until the third quarter. Lloyd needs to learn to stomp on opponents’ throats before trying to run the clock out. I think I’m hopping on the Les Miles bandwagon, but I’m keeping the right to jump off at anytime.

“Trickeration” is very important in Chaucer. And because I don’t want you to have to slog through The Canterbury Tales I’ll just tell you. Three drunken idiots wander about and decide they’re going to outwit Death. They find some gold randomly (see: trap) and want to celebrate. One of them goes off to find some food and drink and while he is gone the other two decide that if they kill their friend they’ll get more gold for themselves. Of course, the man who went to town to get the provisions decides the same thing, and puts some rat poison in the wine bottles he brings back. When their friend returns, the other two stab him in the back and then sit down to drink their wine, which kills them quickly. This needs to be made into a Halloween episode of some TV show. We get a million adaptations of A Christmas Carol, but none of The Pardoner’s Tale?

Lastly, I’m addicted to ebay. I’ve been passing my time bidding on things I know I won’t win, but which would be insane deals if I did. It’s very addicting. I think I’m going to start an auction site where you don’t actually bid on physical items or use real money… no that’s a horrible idea. No one steal it.

Read a Book

Dear Michigan congress,
in light of last night and your gallant efforts of map making, color coding, and climate control I turn to you and ask, on behalf of all academia and intellectual pursuits of the utmost and highest orders, what is the face of our future?

It is the words of great men and women that move this world and will alter the course and frame of all things to come. I'm sure you, just as I, go to sleep each night and wake each morning with some steadfast words of reason of a voice of our time resonating in your inner thoughts. It is in this spirit of shared meditation that I turn myself to the great words not of a president, poet, or philosopher but of a Pop Star. Whitney Houston taught us to believe in something great:

"I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way,"

..and dear god, read a book...


-Cm, Oedipus Tyrannosaurus