Vader's Head

"Banded together from remote galaxies are thirteen of the most sinister villains of all time: The Legion of Doom. Dedicated to a single objective, the conquest of the universe. Only one group dares to challenge this intergalactic threat: The Super Friends!"

I never read comics much when I was a kid. Sure, I flipped through some of my Uncle’s old ones from the sixties, but I was never really into them. I have no clue why, but I always preferred reading books to comic books. So, it was through a different medium that I learned about super heroes and their villainous counterparts; it was through television, the way every child of the nineties learned about anything.

I loved watching X-Men, Spider-man and The Super Friends on Saturday mornings, but it wasn’t until I decided to watch The Super Friends again about a year ago that I realized something…

The Legion of Doom lives in a giant Darth Vader head.



The archenemies of The Super Friends live in a giant Vader mask! I guess Black Manta must’ve been cruising around the swamps of Dagobah one day in that crazy ass submarine of his, found the Vader head that Luke cut off and decided it would make a good base. If it wasn’t all ridiculous enough, the show came out a year after the original Star Wars released, so they must’ve known what they were doing. But, why? So they decide to hide their base in a fucking swamp with alligators all around them, because I guess they thought the Super Friends wouldn’t want to get their capes dirty. I now know why we’re destroying the Everglades so quickly… it’s to catch Lex Luthor.

The first thing that strikes me about the show now is just how colorful everything is. The colors are badly washed out, but man, are there a lot of them. The second thing is that everyone on the show is a fucking moron. The Super Friends are just retarded, and even Superman and Batman who are a huge step up in intelligence from the rest of their numbskull compatriots, couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag. Luckily for the world, the Legion of Doom is even dumber. I guess you can’t expect much from a group who lives in a swamp, but still… I’m pretty sure my five year old self could have thought up a better plan for taking over the world than they do every episode.

These plans usually consist of one of the members of the Legion complaining that the last plan was awful and that they had a way better one. They would then begin to explain their needlessly complicated and downright stupid plan to send the Super Friends into the sun on a rocket or to cause the Earth’s temperature to rise slightly higher so “Fearians” from Venus would want to colonize it. They were always interrupted by some other member who continued to explain the plan, who was again interrupted. I’m not sure if they had planned it together, or they just all figured the more complicated the plan, the better. I’d guess the latter. Needless to say, the plans always failed. And what villains go around talking about how evil and bad they are all the time? Even Emperor Palpatine thought he was doing the right thing. Lex Luthor even states their enemies are “the forces of good”. Evil people don’t go around say, “Oh, I love being evil, badness is so cool, I’m going to go kill some babies now.” It’s insane!

I really don’t know how a group with two supposed geniuses and a robot could be so dumb, but they were beyond brainless. To make it worse, they didn’t even pretend to be smart. They were like a bunch of monkeys flinging feces at each other and destroying shit because it was fun. They creators expect me to believe that a group of super villains is just going to demolish their base because they feel like it? I guess it’s because half of the damn Legion consists of Superman’s retarded cousin, a giant cave woman, a Cajun zombie, an autistic guy in a wetsuit, and a fucking gorilla. A gorilla! Obviously hanging around these idiots has affected Lex and Brainiac’s intelligence something fierce.

I could go on and on about how the show doesn’t make any damn sense, but you can just watch it yourself. You won’t be disappointed, it’s hilarious.