The Great Red Ape

From all of us here at BSD, we'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Festivus, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, a Miserly Celebration of Capitalism and whatever else. Hope your holidays are going as good as mine.



Now the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past will tell you the story of Christmas...

Robot: THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus, an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dinobones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so-called "toys" were buried as witches, and defecated upon, and hurled at predators when wakened by the searing grunts of children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year. For many were killed.

Frylock: Well, that still doesn't tell me why you--

Robot: I'm not finished. YOU should have gotten a snack. A war-like race of elves from the Red Planet landed on the ice-encased Earth, and they were immediately enslaved by the unevolved Santa Ape to make his confused toys using galactic elfin technology. Toys were made into recognizable shapes and given names like "train," but these toys were also thrown at predators and defecated upon because they were so stupid. Christmas still sucked, in a big way.