Super Smash Bros. Jibberish

Sorry posting has been so light lately. I blame Winter break, girlfriends and the fact that instead of doing any blog work Caleb and I would just sit in my basement and talk about how to build a tiny Battlestar out of Legos, which super heroes we would be if we were super heroes or play Vectorman. I promise I will finish the design changes in the next couple of days and that I'll post more now that classes are starting. But for now... This is the last part of our Super Smash Bros. feature. Caleb and I, along with Paul from Careful with that Blog, Eugene decided it would be a good idea to get into a chat and ramble on about video games, Winston Churchill and a variety of other things that I'm sure you don't want to listen to. Anyway, we thought it was funny, and while it is insanely long, you might too.

These are our picks:

Caleb

Matt

Paul

And here is the insanity which took me about two hours to edit thanks to Caleb's failure to capitalize anything, Paul's excessive use of tildes and both of their decisions to use any form of punctuation or grammar of any kind:

Matt (11:32:49 PM): So... the characters that are verified to be in Super Smash Bros. Brawl are Boswer, Diddy Kong, Donkey Kong, Fox, Ice Climbers, Ike, King Dedede, Kirby, Link, Lucas, Mario, Meta Night, PEach, Pikachu, Pit, Pokemon Trainer, Samus, Snake, Sonic, Wario, Yoshi and Zelda...
Caleb (11:32:55 PM): Are the first to that came to my mind
Paul (11:33:00 PM): I have thought long and hard about who, what, where, when and why should be in this fucking game
Caleb (11:33:00 PM): Wowowowwow
Caleb (11:33:04 PM): You planned for this?!
Matt (11:33:06 PM): No.
Paul (11:33:23 PM): Not really
Matt (11:33:28 PM): I just got that from Wikipedia two minutes ago.
Caleb (11:33:57 PM): Pokemon trainer is a character?
Matt (11:33:57 PM): And let's just assume anyone else who has appeared in a Smash Bros. game is going to be in it. So, if you could choose anyone else to be in the game, who would it be?
Caleb (11:34:03 PM): How is that even a person? That's worse than
Caleb (11:34:17 PM): "Nameless Russian Scientist" in 007
Matt (11:34:24 PM): Hey, I kicked ass as him!
Paul (11:34:26 PM): Dr. Doak!
Paul (11:34:28 PM): He needs in.
Caleb (11:34:48 PM): Agreed, but does he remain nameless?
Paul (11:35:02 PM): He doesn't. He is Dr. fucking Doak
Matt (11:35:52 PM): I think we need some King K. Rool in the game.
Matt (11:35:57 PM): It's severely lacking in reptiles.
Caleb (11:36:19 PM): The kremlin?
Paul (11:36:33 PM): Like Excitebike Billy.
Caleb (11:37:14 PM): I always wondered if the Kremling Krew was a commie front.
Caleb (11:37:21 PM): I still can’t tell.
Caleb (11:37:28 PM): They are very work force oriented.
Caleb (11:37:35 PM): The kremlings.
Paul (11:37:36 PM): Face it, if Solid fucking Snake is in this game, the floodgates are open. I want Wart. I want Alex Kidd. I want Robotnik AND Eggman. I want Super Shredder.
Matt (11:38:10 PM): We need the Eggman concept art with the kiddie pillow in the game.
Matt (11:38:21 PM): And no Alex Kidd. I hate that fucker.
Paul (11:38:21 PM): I want Wilford Kong!
Matt (11:38:27 PM): He's an enemy of BSD.
Paul (11:38:29 PM): All the more reason to beat the piss out of him
Matt (11:38:40 PM): What about koopas?
Matt (11:38:42 PM): And goombas?
Caleb (11:38:49 PM): Are these characters restricted to video games?
Paul (11:38:49 PM): I think that all of the Koopa Kids should be in
Paul (11:38:53 PM): And Baby fucking Bowser
Matt (11:38:54 PM): Yes!
Matt (11:39:02 PM): But can we all agree... no Waluigi?
Matt (11:39:07 PM): In anything... ever again?
Paul (11:39:09 PM): And the weird dice guy from Mario Party 3
Paul (11:39:17 PM): Diceman > Waluigi
Matt (11:39:26 PM): Anything > Waluigi.
Caleb (11:39:35 PM): Agreed
Paul (11:39:45 PM): I think I'd rather slam a desk drawer on my testes than play another game with that shitlicker in it
Matt (11:39:59 PM): I think that if Sonic is in, Tails definitely needs to be, too.
Caleb (11:40:51 PM): As a team though, the way capcom set up iron man and war machine
Paul (11:40:54 PM): I think Tails should only be in the game in the same sense that Slippy Toad is in the others: he should fly in on his faggy plane to save Sonics ass when he's falling off shit.
Matt (11:41:11 PM): No, he needs to be his own character.
Paul (11:41:21 PM): Put him in a poke-ball, call it a day
Caleb (11:41:32 PM): But he's such a fruity character
Matt (11:41:35 PM): That's just basically Vulpix.
Paul (11:41:40 PM): Exactly
Paul (11:41:42 PM): Fuck a Tails
Paul (11:41:56 PM): Maybe he'll be a trophy
Caleb (11:41:58 PM): Oh, and for the Mario characters, i think we have to us some of their movie counterparts
Paul (11:42:08 PM): BOB HOSKINS!
Paul (11:42:38 PM): Oh, Bleck needs in
Matt (11:42:47 PM): No Bleck.
Matt (11:42:49 PM): That guy is insane.
Paul (11:42:51 PM): BLECK!
Paul (11:43:00 PM): O'Chunks?
Matt (11:43:18 PM): Next you'll be wanting that weird wizard from the Zelda 3DO games in.
Caleb (11:43:37 PM): I have no idea who you guys are talking about now
Paul (11:43:39 PM): Paper Mario > 3DO
Paul (11:43:48 PM): Oh, I want Donkey Kong Jr.
Paul (11:43:58 PM): If he's in Mario Tennis, he must be in SSB
Caleb (11:45:26 PM): The whole Donkey Kong clan.
Caleb (11:45:38 PM): Even the cousin who is a retard.
Paul (11:46:13 PM): The Dice guy from MP3 is named Tumble.
Paul (11:46:21 PM): We need Birdo.
Matt (11:46:32 PM): But not the gay Birdo.
Matt (11:46:36 PM): The old Birdo.
Paul (11:46:52 PM): Indeed.
Matt (11:46:55 PM): What about Megman man?
Paul (11:47:24 PM): Hmm.
Paul (11:47:29 PM): I want Mighty Mac.
Caleb (11:47:47 PM): Mighty Max?
Matt (11:47:56 PM): Mighty Max isn't a video game character.
Caleb (11:48:24 PM): I say we don’t limit it to video games.
Matt (11:48:33 PM): We have to.
Paul (11:48:38 PM): MIGHTY MAX!
Paul (11:48:46 PM): Oh Shit, I remember the Mighty Max castle I had.
Matt (11:48:49 PM): If we don't you're going to be suggesting salad tongs and the Death Star as characters.
Caleb (11:48:52 PM): Seriously, I say if they can have Link, young Link, and now a Link that has wings, I want Prince and the Artist formally know as Prince.
Paul (11:48:55 PM): And I mean the dude from Punch-out.
Matt (11:48:56 PM): I had this weird dragon head and turned into a base.
Paul (11:49:09 PM): I had a mountain that did the same.
Caleb (11:49:15 PM): THE DEATH STAR!!!!
Matt (11:49:18 PM): I remember that mountain.
Caleb (11:49:30 PM): I had that toy TOOO
Matt (11:49:33 PM): Winston Churchill should be a character.
Caleb (11:49:50 PM): I went on eBay a few weeks ago and had to hold back from buying a shit load of mighty max stuff.
Caleb (11:50:04 PM): No, Winston Churchill in a mech suit.
Paul (11:50:14 PM): Shit...we need Paper versions of the Mario crew.
Matt (11:50:35 PM): Make the paper versions a different color combo, not all new characters.
Caleb (11:50:39 PM): Because why use a tank, when you can use a tank that can fall down.
Matt (11:51:00 PM): We need to write a post about how much mechs make no sense.
Caleb (11:51:04 PM): We do.
Paul (11:51:19 PM): I would have figured Empire had proved that point.
Caleb (11:51:22 PM): And we need to mention the Churchill game where he is a Mech, even if we don’t use it here.
Paul (11:51:35 PM): Wrap the legs up with fucking floss, they fall down.
Matt (11:51:37 PM): We should make that game.
Matt (11:51:44 PM): They're like AT-ATs.
Paul (11:51:50 PM): DENTAL FLOSS OF DEATH!
Caleb (11:51:58 PM): Right after spontaneous combustion, and action packed!
Paul (11:52:11 PM): ...have we started talking about the game yet?
Caleb (11:52:31 PM): I'm writing up a Mech piece this weekend, I’ll contact you guys, this'll add nicely to the auto tag.
Caleb (11:53:02 PM): We all need to make our bids, and I’m not letting go of my dual Princes.
Matt (11:54:49 PM): You go first, I’m still deciding.
Caleb (11:54:53 PM): Oh yeah guys, this was a horrible idea.
Matt (11:55:01 PM): Obviously.
Caleb (11:55:10 PM): The three of us in one place, that isn't real.
Caleb (11:55:21 PM): Seriously even Kafka wouldn’t joke about this.
Paul (11:55:35 PM): Kafka needs in.
Caleb (11:55:43 PM): And Wal-Mart Jesus.
Matt (11:55:50 PM): It's like putting a bunch of monkeys in a room full of typewriters for a hundred years.
Caleb (11:56:00 PM): Shit.
Caleb (11:56:05 PM): More like two hundred years.
Caleb (11:56:13 PM): And the monkeys are retarded.
Caleb (11:56:20 PM): Or donkeys.
Paul (11:56:23 PM): And don't care about Shakespeare.
Matt (11:56:27 PM): Okay, I have my pick... I'm going with Banjo-Kazooie, just because he's so lame.
Caleb (11:56:37 PM): "Monkeys aren’t donkeys! Stop messing with my head!"
Matt (11:56:52 PM): But only if he can do that butt stomp he does.
Matt (11:57:31 PM): Fuck, wait!
Matt (11:57:33 PM): No, I change mine.
Matt (11:57:37 PM): I want Conker.
Paul (11:57:41 PM): Ohh.
Paul (11:57:45 PM): I want Dr. Doak.
Matt (11:57:51 PM): You're so lame.
Matt (11:58:06 PM): What about Odd Job?
Caleb (11:58:14 PM): So what do we say, we each get three, four characters?
Matt (11:58:21 PM): Three.
Paul (11:58:26 PM): He's copyrighted, and Albert R. Broccoli smokes pole.
Matt (11:58:28 PM): Your pick, Caleb.
Caleb (11:58:30 PM): Bear Necessity.
Caleb (11:58:41 PM): Wait no.
Caleb (11:58:43 PM): Strike that.
Caleb (11:59:08 PM): Prince/Slash Artist formally know as Prince, in response to the overflow of Link characters.
Matt (11:59:27 PM): Alright, I'm going with Dr. Robotnik.
Paul (11:59:30 PM): Has Prince appeared on a Nintendo system?
Caleb (11:59:49 PM): I don't think so
Matt (11:59:56 PM): Aerosmith has.
Caleb (12:00:07 AM): If anyone complains, neither has sonic right?
Caleb (12:00:14 AM): That game is awesome.
Paul (12:00:15 AM): He has since Gamecube.
Caleb (12:00:19 AM): Fight the future, with music.
Paul (12:00:24 AM): And you need to change your answer to Steven Tyler.
Paul (12:00:33 AM): Erm...I'm going to go with...
Paul (12:00:54 AM): Team Motherfucking Rocket.
Matt (12:01:00 AM): What the fuck, Paul?
Paul (12:01:07 AM): Jesse and James, bitch!
Matt (12:01:12 AM): They're not from video games.
Caleb (12:01:12 AM): Nooooooooo!
Matt (12:01:14 AM): Doesn't count.
Paul (12:01:17 AM): Pokemon Yellow.
Paul (12:01:19 AM): Victory.
Matt (12:01:30 AM): Fuck.
Matt (12:01:32 AM): That's bullshit.
Caleb (12:01:38 AM): Is anyone else dying on the floor right now?
Matt (12:01:45 AM): Yes.
Matt (12:01:47 AM): It's your pick, Caleb.
Caleb (12:03:06 AM): ...
Caleb (12:03:07 AM): Pass.
Matt (12:03:12 AM): You can't pass.
Matt (12:03:18 AM): Pick Reptile or something.
Matt (12:03:29 AM): Or Bubsy.
Caleb (12:03:34 AM): Nien Nunb.
Matt (12:03:37 AM): lol
Paul (12:03:41 AM): FUCK YES~!
Paul (12:03:59 AM): This will be the greatest blog post ever
Matt (12:04:01 AM): You can't pick Nien Nunb.
Paul (12:04:07 AM): WHAT?
Caleb (12:04:13 AM): Why not?
Paul (12:04:14 AM): Super Return of the Jedi, bitch!
Caleb (12:04:19 AM): Yeah!
Matt (12:04:22 AM): I guarantee he's not in it.
Caleb (12:04:22 AM): I played that shit.
Caleb (12:04:30 AM): It was implied that he was in there
Matt (12:04:36 AM): And no one can even get that far to figure it out.
Caleb (12:04:44 AM): Come on, it's Lucas, they would never, in a million years, mess up canon.
Caleb (12:04:47 AM): Oh wait...
Matt (12:04:53 AM): LMAO
Matt (12:05:00 AM): Pick someone else, dammit.
Caleb (12:05:08 AM): Good point, so no one knows if he is in it or not, so by default.
Paul (12:05:16 AM): He's not in it.
Matt (12:05:56 AM): Fine, I'm going with Kefka!
Paul (12:05:58 AM): You should have Masturbating Ernie as your pick
Matt (12:06:07 AM): LMAO
Matt (12:06:10 AM): NOOOOOO!
Matt (12:06:12 AM): Don't speak of that!
Caleb (12:06:22 AM): So did I just use two picks?
Matt (12:06:27 AM): Yes.
Matt (12:06:30 AM): It's Paul's pick now.
Paul (12:06:39 AM): Alright. Time to think
Matt (12:07:07 AM): This is your last pick.
Paul (12:09:17 AM): This is so tough
Paul (12:09:51 AM): But.
Paul (12:09:52 AM): Uh.
Caleb (12:09:56 AM): I got mine
Paul (12:10:08 AM): Wilford Kong
Matt (12:10:24 AM): ...
Matt (12:10:25 AM): Moving on...
Caleb (12:10:37 AM): Is this your last matt?
Paul (12:11:03 AM): It was a toss-up between him and Vectorman.
Caleb (12:11:16 AM): Vectorman stole my heart.
Matt (12:11:29 AM): I already have all mine.
Matt (12:11:31 AM): It's Caleb's last.
Paul (12:11:37 AM): Or Andross.
Caleb (12:11:55 AM): Hold on, recap for me
Matt (12:12:54 AM): I took Conker, Dr. Robotnik and Kefka.
Paul (12:13:02 AM): While we're recaping, I am changing my third to a serious one: Frog Suit Marios.
Matt (12:13:17 AM): Paul took Dr. Doak, Team Rocket and Wilford fucking Kong.
Caleb (12:13:17 AM): Good one.
Caleb (12:13:21 AM): So who are yours, Paul?
Matt (12:13:29 AM): You took Prince (Aerosmith) and Nien Nunb.
Matt (12:13:41 AM): No suits.
Matt (12:13:44 AM): Just characters.
Caleb (12:14:07 AM): Bizarro.
Paul (12:14:21 AM): lol
Paul (12:14:29 AM): BIZARRO AM WINNING GAME!
Caleb (12:14:46 AM): I also have one honorary character to throw out, Ender, in response to kid Link and Ness.
Paul (12:15:51 AM): Baby Mario.
Paul (12:16:29 AM): More useful than Jigglypuff.
Caleb (12:16:57 AM): I also think mech churchill should be honorary.
Matt (12:17:06 AM): This was just a bad idea.
Paul (12:16:41 AM): This is a fantastic idea.
Paul (12:16:48 AM): If Snake is in the game, Doak should be too.
Matt (12:16:55 AM): Okay... I had another talking point, but I think maybe we've gone on too long already.
Caleb (12:16:57 AM): Now he is thinking.
Paul (12:17:01 AM): He is far more important to the history of awesome Nintendo Games.
Paul (12:17:48 AM): What was the other talking point?
Matt (12:18:04 AM): Who we would get rid of that's already a Smash Bros. character.
Caleb (12:18:26 AM): Alright, so our line up, Conker, Robotnik (with pillow), Kafka, Doak, Team Rocket, Wilford Kon, Prince/Artist, Nien Nunb, and Bizarro
Matt (12:19:00 AM): Not Kafka!
Matt (12:19:01 AM): Kefka!
Paul (12:19:32 AM): I would get rid of Jigglypuff.
Paul (12:19:45 AM): That fucking snob.
Matt (12:19:59 AM): I want Dr. Mario out.
Matt (12:20:06 AM): He's the same fucking thing as Mario, except he throws viagra.
Paul (12:20:33 AM): Which is way better than Jigglypuff's being Kirby without cock sucking ability.
Matt (12:22:34 AM): At least Jigglypuff is a different character.
Matt (12:22:38 AM): Who would you get rid of, Caleb?
Caleb (12:23:59 AM): From the new game, or the others too?
Caleb (12:24:11 AM): Pikachu.