Megatron

Calvin Johnson, wide receiver for the Detroit Lions, is nicknamed Megatron; the name of the most destructive and evil of perhaps all machines ever made; Megatron, the leader of the Decepticons, and arch-nemesis to Optimus Prime, and I don’t get it.

Calvin Johnson is 6 ft 5 in, 235 lb, and un-fucking-stoppable.
Megatron is essentially an AK-47 with a Gladius bayonet. Or at least he might as well be. There is nothing very admirable about this villain. He isn’t misunderstood like Lex Luthor or Darth Vader. Instead Magatron is more like the Death Star, he’s really big, made of metal, and has a giant gun. And, even though Megatron is so horrible and evil the Lions have still nicknamed one of their players after him. Why is this?

Oh yeah, because he’s huge and un-fucking-stoppable. But that answer doesn’t satisfy me. First of all, HE’S A DAMN DETROIT PLAYER NOW! Why is a Detroit Lion, a motor city player, named after a Decepticon, and not an Autobot, their sworn enemies?!

Motor city = Autobots Motor city ≠ Decepticons

However, I guess there are some similarities between Johnson and Megatron. Many of these similarities seem to work in both directions though, comparing Johnson to either warrior; Megatron or Optimus.
Optimus Prime is an automobile, a good guy, and turns into a huge truck.
Megatron is pure evil and turns into a giant gun…

Oh wiat, Calvin Johnson is a Detroit player…Megatron turns into a giant gun…yeah, yeah I guess I get it now. Calvin Johnson is Megatron, no question.


Caleb, Lorax Prime

addendum- It has come to my attention that Johnson, like Megatron, has been relativly frozen as of late. BSD would like to wish both of them good-luck and safe recoveries.

Street Car named NORAD

Bus Drivers have got to be some of the scariest people on the road. Strike that, on the earth.
Giving a bus driver a bus is like giving someone a scud missile to ride around on all day.
I’m honestly scared for my life. It is insane the people they give these jobs to as it is. Have you ever met a bus driver? What do they have to lose?!
And then we stick them with annoying kids and lost old people and incorrect change and we sit at the back and forget our stop and tug on the emergency stop rope till they crack. And it isn’t like these people aren’t already wound tight. You try being on a schedule that stiff all day, every day.
Giving anyone a bus-driver-license is like hiring someone who is on suicide watch to work the night shift at NORAD. You’re just asking for trouble.

I’ve seen the Die Hard movies. I’ve watched Speed and Sword Fish, I know just what a bus can do. Nothing stops a bus; not buildings, not people, not even other scud missiles or other busses or bombs.

I don’t care about the free tuition.
Anyways, I’d much rather just have my roommate die and get a four point for a semester. That’d be pretty nice. That'd be Easy Street.

Caleb, on the no-stop night shift

Go Go Space Racer

Lunar Rover is a cool name for a car. I’d drive one. Not because it is especially cool. In fact, I imagine driving the lunar rover is a lot like building a soapbox racer with an Erector Set and old tire swings while trying to look cool in a Michelin Man outfit, be bad ass enough to be a scientist and an pilot, and all the while hoping not to float off into a great black oblivion that there is no doubt would kill you in a long, lonely, cold way.

Lunar Rover just sounds so poetic and haunting though. Lunar Rover is the kind of car a dark Druid wizard would drive. If hobbits built cars they’d build Lunar Rovers.

Hobbiton:

The Lunar Rover, built Bag End tough.

The Lunar Rover story must go something like this:
“What are we going to do on the moon guys?”
“I don’t know, wander around a bit I guess. Rove it.”
“You mean we’re going to be the first space ramblers?”
“Yeah, and we can ramble around in our moon car. Our rover.”
“Our Moon Rover? Yeah. I can’t wait to get to the moon now.”
“You know it. We are going to look so cool once we’re up there. No body is going to dare mess with us.”
“Yeah, or we’ll smoke them. I’ll be like, ‘hey man, this is our turf, and don’t you see the flag?’ And then you can crouch down behind him and I’ll kick him and he’ll fly off into space or back down to earth and burn up on re-entry.”
“Wow, this is really our year. I love West Side Story.”

You know what is inside the international space station Mir?
A bunch of Lunar Rovers and about a dozen “nucular” weasels. Oh, and some replacement giant tennis ball cans.