I'm Not the Man They Think I Am at Home

I've always been a fan of bizarro stuff. Matt and I even spent a year living as a bizarro version of our best friend. I like that, as far as Bizarro Superman is concerned, being bizarro is about not just being the evil version of the original, but also the reverse and opposite of it too. One of my favorite superhero characters is Zibarro, the bizarro version of Bizarro Superman. And he isn't Superman, but he is close.

Although I like bizarrity I don't think I could bring myself to read any bizarro fiction. I'm just not that kind of reader. Not that there is anything wrong with bizarro fiction, I'm just a little more somber, serious, and sterile I suppose in my reading selections. I always have to tell people, it isn't that I think comedic writing isn't good, it can be great, I'm just not a very funny reader.

But I have to admit that the new book Shatnerquake by bizarro fiction author Jeff Burk looks pretty amazing. Here's what Amazon has to say about it~

" William Shatner? William Shatner. WILLIAM SHATNER!!! It's the first ShatnerCon with William Shatner as the guest of honor! But after a failed terrorist attack by Campbellians, a crazy terrorist cult that worships Bruce Campbell, all of the characters ever played by William Shatner are suddenly sucked into our world. Their mission: hunt down and destroy the real William Shatner.

Featuring: Captain Kirk, TJ Hooker, Denny Crane, Rescue 911 Shatner, Singer Shatner, Shakespearean Shatner, Twilight Zone Shatner, Cartoon Kirk, Esperanto Shatner, Priceline Shatner, SNL Shatner, and - of course - William Shatner! "

I know right?! I'm not going to lie, I don't have much to say besides that, because really, what else can be said.

Advisory Committee

Seeing Caleb and I don't believe that most of our friends should be in charge of their own lives (yes, I just realize I've alienated our only audience), and seeing as President-Elect Obama will soon be putting together his Cabinet, I decided it would be great to put together a group of advisors for BSD, to show people just how it's done. We've tried to select individuals from across the political spectrum (good, evil and morally ambiguous), in an attempt to support multi-partisanship. These men, women and creatures will lead BSD into a new era of peace and prosperity, one of increased readership, more frequent posting and conquest. It shall be our moment in the sun!

Foreign Minister: Thufir Hawat

He is a mentat and thus amazing. With computer-like intelligence and unwavering loyalty, Hawat is perfect for almost any role. He is used to court intrigue and should be right at home in this position.

Minister of Defense: Admiral Ackbar

It's not hyperbole to say that Ackbar is one of the greateest military leaders ever to live. He overcame a lot of prejudice (being a squid-thing and all) to get where he is and has truly excelled in his position. Leading the Rebel Navy against the Empire with a million times the resources and winning? I'm not sure anyone has done more with less. Ackbar is a brilliant strategist and besides he has a cool chair. Also, no one is better at spotting traps.

Minister of Information: Lex Luthor

While, this may seem a controversial pick and somewhat at odds with BSD's own pro-Superman position, you cannot argue with the success that Luthor has had in his life. The man got himself elected President even though he was a super villain, and one time on Super Friends he convinced the country that Superman, Batman and crew were stealing priceless artifacts. He could sell swampland in Florida, ice to an Eskimo, condoms to... oh, hell, nevermind.... Anyway, he's a genius and his purple jumpsuit is simply kickass.

Minister of the Interior: Rick Deckard

In a future where robots are trying to kill us, Deckard will be irreplaceable. BSD is simply preparing for this inevitability. He has years of experience as a law enforcement officer, and iss always complaining about wanting to retire. A cushy government position should be perfect.

Minister of Finance: Smaug

This was a very hard decision to make, as I thought long and hard about giving this spot to Richie Rich. However, in the end I decided that I needed to put someone with more experience in this position. Sure, many blame him for losing all the gold to a bunch of Dwarves and a Hobbit, but it was hardly his fault. They had fate (not to mention a Wizard) on their side. Besides, he had that mountain of treasure for hundreds of years, not everything can last.

Minister of Education: Laura Roslin

Sure, this is a step down from her current position as President of the Twelve Colonies, but I can't imagine anyone better for this position. She even has experience in the office. I'm sure editing papers and such would be a bit mundane for her, but she could get a consulting in a few years.

Minister of Justice: Harvey Birdman

While not a good attorney, or superhero really, for that matter, he has a certain panache that you want in a position like this. Moreover, he has an amazing costume, can fly and has that cool crest on his head, all of which will be very helpful in a position such as this. And an eagle... that's important.

Minister of Health: Beverly Crusher

There was no one who I wished would take my temperature more as a child than Dr. Crusher, and for that alone I think she deserves the spot. She is extremely strong willed, and driven, but also very caring. Years experience as Chief Medical Officer aboard the Enterprise as well as a stint as Head of Starfleet Medical, are about all the experience anyone needs.

Minister of Culture: Mellvar

The wunderkind of the advisory committee and also the least qualified, Mellvar is best known for his run in with the Futurama crew in the episode "Where No Fan Has Gone Before". Despite that, his encyclopedic knowledge of culture (and by that I mean Star Trek) will be vital in this position.

Minister of Agriculture: Edward Scissorhands

This position isn't really all that important unless you're a farmer or really into plants, so I went for the guy who would best trim the hedges, not that BSD has any hedges. But, I'm sure he'd do a fine job mowing the lawn. Though, he is a bit unstable, I think he can get over that problem.

Minister of Transportation: Ringo Starr

I had been considering Megatron for this position for a while, but in the end it had to go to the most downtrodden Beatle. Noe one can deny that he always made the trains run on time as conductor at Shining Time Station. Besides that, he spent a lot of time on the Yellow Submarine and he ran a Magical Mystery Tour for a while. Oh, and he wrote Octopus' Garden... I'm not sure what that has to do with this, but he's really proud of that.

Tales from the Internets, volume 4

I'm back everyone, and here to bring you no actual substance on my part. This stuff has piled up for months, and is long overdue. In fact, I have so many links, this is going to be a two-part Tales, the next part coming next week unless I forget (which is highly likely). So here it goes.

A couple of Star Trek related news items that are way old, but you probably haven't seen them anyway, at least the second one. The first is the trailer for the new movie. Kennedy? The beginning of the intro dialogue? Shipyard? This made me excited, even though I have a lot of reservations about this movie.

A Star Trek cartoon? Apparently... It looks pretty interesting, actually, though I have no idea of any new info on the show. I should probably do some digging.

I'm not even sure what to say about this trailer, but the song as the end? Wow...

The next two links are about area codes... yeah, I've gone off the deep end. All I can say is that you gotta love political machines.

And of course... this is just great.

A nice explanation on how the Etch-A-Sketch works.

When most of us think of Japan, we think of televisions, radioactive monsters, tentacle rape, panties in vending machines, but this is shocking even for Japan. I want a copy.

The final two links for today are video game related. The first is a free game that reminds me of those insane Lego ships in Kingdom Hearts mated with the old side-scrolling jet shooters of the 16-bit era. It's fun.

Lastly, is a history of Duke Nukem Forever, which is probably forgotten by most gamers, but still funny. If this game ever comes out...

Well, that's all for today. Thanks for clicking and I hope you enjoyed it.

Utopia

While watching Star Trek, I was always led to believe that The Federation was some sort of utopia. Their ships seem to be built for science and exploration just as much as they are for battle, and there is economic cooperation between the member worlds. Half the time they are off to stop some epidemic or to solve some dispute, or getting caught in some sort of alternate time period, but there really isn't that much warfare (honestly to my annoyance). Humans have stopped fighting one another, disease has been pretty much eradicated, starvation solved, and Earth seems to be a peaceful and as Q put it, "boring" place. I always questioned what the government was, and the economic system and about the freedoms of the place, but they seem to make it a pretty damn nice place to live.

That all changed when I watched the Deep Space Nine episode "If Wishes Were Horses". How the hell am I supposed to believe this utopia if humans have stopped playing baseball? That's just ludicrous.

Vulcan Found in Canada

According to an article at CBC.ca, a Vulcan was discovered in Vancouver, British Columbia. The man (alien?) was discovered to have green blood while being prepped for surgery.

Dr. McCoy was not available for comment.

The above link is courtesy of Kudron.

M Class

Honestly, what the fuck is going on here? Riker’s humping the ground- no surprise there. Geordi’s break dancing, or something, like the wild blind negro he is. Which, by the way, who knew there were black guys in space? And Data, fuck Data man. Ten bucks- ten bucks says he’s telling both of them what they are doing wrong and how he wishes he had the ability to fuck up like them too. Damn Data, you’re one crazy cold ass son of a bitch. Man, fuck those M-class planets.

-cml