Mega Man Soccer

Name: Mega Man’s Soccer
System: SNES
Developer: Capcom
Publisher: Capcom
Release Date: 1994
Genre: Sports

Whether this game is actually any good or not, I can’t really say for sure. I am not too familiar with soccer games as a whole, especially not those on the SNES, but I can tell you that, at the very least, the game is damn interesting.

The biggest problem is that it’s a pretty boring game. Yet, there are a whole host of other issues that I should probably enumerate before I go any further. It is far too easy to slide tackle the ball away from the opponent, passing is difficult, the game switches the player you are controlling automatically so often you end up running away from the ball at times, and your view of the field is so small that it is almost impossible to actually get anything resembling an offense going without looking at the map at the top of the screen, which causes you to take your eyes off the play for a precious second. Yeah… there are a lot of issues, yet for some reason I still really enjoy playing the game. Not for long periods of time, but picking it up every once in a while is a blast, especially if you have an opponent to play.


Scoring is difficult, but it’s soccer so that’s fairly realistic. There are power shots, which make scoring much easier, but you only get two a game. Other than these you can score often enough using one-timers and less often by shooting close to the goal but at an angle. You can compose your team of a variety of different characters and align them in a wide variety of different formations. And despite all of the flaws in the gameplay, there is something undeniably cool about the game. I remember the first time I ever played it was at the house of one of my classmates. I say classmate, because I never really liked him all that much, and the dick wouldn’t even tell me the controls, so I got slaughtered, but I remember coming away from the game thinking how cool it was… It was Mega Man, and while I had never played a Mega Man game before, I of course knew who the Blue Bomber was. And that is the real charm of the game, and perhaps it’s only redeeming quality. It’s a game full of Mega Mans, Cutmans, Woodmans, Toadmans and a whole slew of others who just ooze charm and nostalgia. It is the predecessor to Mario Tennis and all those other sports titles. There is quite simply something grand about a game that pits video games characters against one another in soccer.

The graphics are decent enough for a game of the era, but nothing special and the music is a bit repetitive and can get fairly annoying after a while. Each of the characters have different stats, affecting how well they play defense, kick the ball, and run, among other things. There are several different stadiums, all of which are built like indoor soccer arenas, with boards instead of sidelines, but none of which are any different except for their coat of paint. While a generic soccer game like this wouldn’t even be worth a look back, because it is Mega Man, I still have a special fondness for it. It’s frustrating, difficult and pretty bland, but you can’t tell me that it isn’t cool.

Score: 5/10

Sonic the Hedgehog 3

Name: Sonic the Hedgehog 3
System: Sega Genesis
Developer: Sonic Team
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: 1994
Genre: Platformer

While I think I have to give the crown of best Sonic title to Sonic 2, Sonic 3 is a spectacular game that outdoes the second game in several ways. Better graphics, more complex levels and the diversity of gameplay introduced by the ability to play as a flying Tails all help to make it a very refreshing take on the Sonic formula.

Sonic 3 was an anomaly for me as a kid, but I'm not exactly sure why. Perhaps it was the more complex level designs with diverging paths or the longer stages or even just the visual style, but I never felt as comfortable with its worlds. That not to say I didn't enjoy the game, but I never got very far into it. I don't recall ever beating Hydrocity Zone as a kid, and if I did it was only a few times and I never got much further. The Zone really is not that hard if you stay on the upper portion sans water, which I never managed to do. Those second zones (Marble, Chemical Plant, Hydrocity) always gave me fits, but Hydrocity was by far the hardest. Maybe because it was so long, but it always seemed like such an epic grind of drowning, skeletal fish and spikes. As far as Angel Island Zone goes, it was more difficult than the Green Hill Zones of the first two games, but still eased one into the game. The visual style was a nice change from the other Sonic first levels, though it stuck to the green pallete. I always enjoyed the colors and look of the stage, especially after the aerial bombing as the end of Act I. At the end, the Robotnik battle is interesting, but not real challenge compared to later bosses. All in all, I think I spent too much time exploring the levels and lallygagging about than truly trying to beat them. I guess as a kid it was not all that vital to achieve victory, not when there was sightseeing and cool new lightning and fire shields, and new bonus stages to explore.

The thing that really hits me when replaying it now is that this game is much easier than it used to be, definitely easier than Sonic 1. Angel Island is a cinch, and Hydrocity Zone isn't very difficult as long as you stay up on land, which isn't hard to do throughout most of it.

The graphics are just gorgeous, some of the best of any 16-bit title I have played. The levels are full of color and texture that completely blows away the first two games in the series. The music, like all the Sonic games of this era is simple and catchy.

The most startling aspect of the game is the sheer speed. While all the Sonic games are fast, 3 takes that sense of speed to a new level. The Zones are filled with slopes and accelerators (save Angel Island) that unleash Sonic upon the hapless robots around him. While this is a blast, in retrospect it gave me the feeling that I was breezing through the game, almost as if I was looking out a car window at scenery. I don't want to overstate this point, because it is minor, but spending last night playing through most of the game left me with little impression of the individuality of the zones because they are all filled with the ramps and slopes and the same sort of routes with a different color paint slapped on. The ice level is the most egregious offender in this, and while its design is cool and there are interesting enemies (penguins!), you spend most of the level just much falling down steep slopes and get little time to truly enjoy your surroundings. Perhaps it is just because I have not played through every level countless times like I have with Sonic 1 and 2, and anyway it only detracts slightly from the game, but I cannot help shaking that impression.

While I wouldn't rank it as good as its predecessors, this is an amazing game and one that perhaps suffers somewhat because it was split in half, with Sonic and Knuckles constituting the back 9. All in all, Sonic 3 is well worth picking back up, even now, as it is an absolute classic.

Score: 9.5

Super Mario Bros. 2

I just beat Super Mario Bros. 2. I am so flipping mad. If you haven't beaten the game then this might come as a shock to you but ..... IT'S ALL A FUCKING DREAM! IT'S ALL IN MARIO'S HEAD! I feel so cheated. Worst deus ex machina ever.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2

Name: Sonic the Hedgehog 2
System: Sega Genesis
Developer: Sonic Team
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: 1992
Genre: Platformer

Sonic Team’s magnum opus, arguably the greatest game ever made for the Sega Genesis, or by Sega period, Sonic 2 is the embodiment of the franchise and its pinnacle. It improves upon its predecessor with the introduction of the spin dash, the best level design of any Sonic game and the pin point precision of its platforming elements. But what sets Sonic apart from the plethora of platformers of the 16-bit era, like all the Sonic games, is its sense of overwhelming speed.

Even though I could never manage beat the game as a kid, I always got much further than any of the other Sonics… I think it has something to do with the levels being easier, on average shorter, but also because I played the game to death I managed to know the levels better than in any of the other games. I would beat Chemical Plant, Aquatic Ruin, Casino Night, Hill Top and all the way to Mystic Cave, where I would undoubtedly die many horrible deaths, wasting continue after continue until I got frustrated and quit. I must have played this game more than any other in my Genesis days, but somehow it never got old. I even played the crappy two player game quite often… which was basically just racing against someone else to see who could finish a level faster, except everything was squished pretty horribly.

This game is brilliant in every single way, but truly excels in the area of control. Sonic moves quickly, agilely, but without the sense of loss of control (maybe with the exception of the speed shoes) of many games. The level designs are, in my opinion, the cleverest of the series, with Chemical Plant, Casino Night and Hill Top Zones leading the way. Chemical Plant was the first major test to anyone playing the game and delivered splendidly with divergent paths and the toxic sludge atmosphere. Hill Top was perhaps my favorite, mostly because of the wonderful music and the Loch Ness lava monsters popping up all over the place. There can be little argument that Casino Night is the best, though… it is by far the most immersive level. The true joy of the zone is that you don’t want to leave, you just hang around gambling for coins, bouncing off the plethora of bumpers and glowing chili dogs and enjoying the atmosphere. Yet, it never seemed to lose the sense of speed that is essential to the game.

The graphics were wonderful, with everything having just a little more depth than in the first game and a little more vibrant look. While the visuals certainly were not as pretty as those of Sonic 3 or Sonic and Knuckles, they have a charm of their own. The music is outstanding and fitting in every zone.

The biggest addition to the game was the spin dash, which contributes majorly to the game’s sense of speed, but Tails can’t be forgotten. This is his first game and while he’s up there at the top of the pantheon of annoying sidekicks, I always had a soft spot for him and he is a help at times in the game. The player has the option of playing as either Sonic and Tails, with Tails either computer controlled or being controlled by the second player. I never found controlling Tails to be all that easy, but he can be helpful at times, Sonic alone or Tails alone. Unfortunately, Tails cannot fly when player controlled like in Sonic 3. The new bonus stage is interesting, if only for its 3-D, and has Sonic running along a halfpipe picking up rings and avoiding bombs. It always gave me a headache, but it was decent.


From the rehashed Green Hill Zone, which never felt like a cop out, but simply a homage, to Wing Fortress and Death Egg Zones, Sonic 2 is an amazing game and one that I simply cannot do justice. While not a long game (it can be finished in one sitting if you’re good enough), it will surely take most players many hours to complete it. It took me about fifteen years. During that time, I took years off from playing it, but every time I picked it up it was as enjoyable as the last. It is rare to find a platformer that is this perfect, but Sonic the Hedgehog 2 surely does everything it sets out to do perfectly.

Score: 10/10

Panorama Cotton

Name: Panorama Cotton
System: Sega Genesis
Developer: Success
Publisher: Sunsoft
Release Date: 1994
Genre: Shoot-‘em-up

I guess you could call this a shooter, not a FPS, but an old-school shooter where you fly forward as enemies come at you. Anyway, it’s weird… You’re a witch and the version I have was half in Japanese, so I have no idea what the storyline is, not that it really matters I suppose.

What a clusterfuck. The game begins with the main character flying through space with weird rock arms trying to kill her and floaty Kirby-like blimps coming at her from every direction. You shoot green blobs at things while she makes cute noises while and unleashes unspeakable horrors from beyond against her foes from atop a broomstick. Oh, and there are My Little Ponies jumping about, and I can only assume you are supposed to kill them… that’s pretty damn gruesome, honestly, but surely every boy’s dream.

Not Pictured: The Yellow Submarine

The levels are pretty straightforward. Your character is on rails, flying forward automatically like pretty much all games of the genre. You’re supposed to be a witch with a fairy friend or something… I don’t know, the storyline was in Japanese. You swerve about trying to shoot everything on screen and dodge anything left, all the while marveling at the weirdness of it all. The more things you destroy, the higher your life bar goes. There are also “levels” of some sort that seem to equate to getting special abilities and the life bar increase, but I’m not quite sure if this is tied strictly to points. There are also some off capsules that you can shoot at, which seem to give you new special abilities. Honestly, I’m not really too sure, but I don’t really feel like it matters much. You can choose between three different flying speeds, which is helpful.

The graphics are pretty good for a Genesis games, a little glossed over with pinks and purples for my taste, but it’s definitely colorful. And hell, it’s 3-D… kinda. Everything is just very trippy, with rainbow rivers and odd Dali-esque rock cropping. Unfortunately, there aren’t any melting clocks that I saw. The music is decent, nothing particularly catchy, but at the very least doesn’t get annoying, and that’s all I ask for in a game like this.

Wilford Totem Poles

It’s a fun game, but a challenging one, like most shooters are. This is the sort of game that cannot be made anymore, and it’s a little sad. It’s just too weird to make any sense. A game about a little girl witch who flies on a broomstick and shoots random things with green blobs? And do I ever mean random… There are Wilford Brimley Totem poles, flying fish, Buddha monsters, blue cats wearing top hats and bubbles, oh my are there a lot of bubbles. Maybe in Japan these things can still happen, but the game would never get sent here. The option to change your speed mid-flight is nice, as are the special powers. I’m still trying to figure out what is with the fairy lady who flies ahead of you all the time. Maybe she’s just eye candy, and if that’s the case, thank you, Success.

A fun game, but probably not one that I could play for long without getting bored. However, definitely something worth picking up every once in a while.

Score: 7/10

Pow!

Roger Clemens' MVP Baseball

Name: Roger Clemens’ MVP baseball
System: Sega Genesis
Developer: Sculptured Software, Inc
Publisher: Flying Edge
Release Date: 1992
Genre: Sports

Roger Clemens’ Baseball is pretty unknown to the best of my knowledge and it is pretty clear why. It’s not a particularly good game, or a fun one for that matter. There are only four pitch options: fastball, changeup, pitch that curves to the right and one that curves to the left. Despite all that, there is a player named C. Burger. When I was little I always assumed his first name was Cheese. He was a pretty damn good hitter, too. Anyway, the game is sweet if only because it its own major leagues with made up teams with funny nicknames (The New York team is the “Rebels” for some reason). Oh, and Roger Clemens’ has a ridiculous ERA of 0.0321 or at least close to that. Seriously, even he never used that many steroids.

My girlfriend and I decided to play… okay, maybe “dragged her into it” is a better description, but she enjoyed it, I think, at least somewhat. At least as much as I did. I mean, it is a boring game, but it’s so bad that it is pretty amusing. Except after playing nine innings like we did… especially when the score was 29-2. But at least I got to shell Roger Clemens, though I was a bit frustrated I didn’t hit any homers. It was probably because the Minnesota Hounds suck ass.

Anyway, the mechanics are pretty bad. Pitching is easy because you can control the ball up to the point it hits the catchers glove, so it’s simple to fake out the batter. One nice thing is that the pitchers tire as they throw, so they lose some heat on their fastballs. The batting is okay, I guess, though it’s completely two dimensional. But the fielding, my god is the fielding awful. First off, the players are slow as molasses and can’t move diagonally. A thrown ball also moves about as slow as you’d expect it to if a tractor beam had it, luckily the base runners are almost as slow.

The graphics are below average, even for a genesis game. There just isn’t any character to them. The sound is annoying, though the “foul” call sort of amuses me for some reason. The music isn’t very good and there isn’t really much else as far as sounds go.

All in all, it’s a pretty crappy game, but fun for a few innings and the names are worth a chuckle or two. One of my players was named “S. Pitts.”

Here are the teams from the game:

American West
Seattle Pioneers
Kansas City Kings
Minnesota Hounds
Chicago Red Birds
Texas Cowboys
Oakland Cobras
California Waves

American East
Toronto Bears
Detroit Dawgs
New York Rebels
Baltimore Eagles
Cleveland Tomahawks
Milwaukee Marshalls
Boston Crabs

National West
Atlanta Condors
San Francisco Quakes
Houston Mustangs
Cincinnati Big Cats
Los Angeles Thrashers
San Diego Suns

National East
Philadelphia Generals
Montreal Lumberjacks
St. Louis Dragons
Chicago Swords
Pittsburgh Black Cats
New York Buffalos

Score: 4/10

Spore

Name: Spore
System: PC
Developer: Maxis
Publisher: EA
Release Date: 2008
Genre: Strategy

I don't play new video games often, which explains my obsession with the SNES and Sega Genesis... and also Zork. Frankly, they're just too expensive for a college kid to afford, I don't really have all that much time to play them and the newfangled graphics scare me (this is a lie). If you really want a fun tirade about how new video games suck, go talk to Paul. The truth is that he just sucks at them.

Anyway... despite all this, I decided that I needed to play Spore. I had been excited about it for ages. It was by the creator of Sim City, Sim City 2000, Sim Ant, SimCopter, The Sims, Sim- er... you get the point. Will Wright is a genius, or at least he created two games that were great, and while I never played too much of The Sims and always found the incessant release of expansion packs annoying, Sim City 2000 is amazing. I wasted days of my youth building Mattopolis, Mattland, Matt City, St. Matthewsburg and destroying Egypt Falls.

Spore was supposed to be the greatest video game ever... the most diverse, the most interesting, the most fun... it was supposed to have everything, be everything as it spanned evolution from one-celled organisms to space-traveling civilization. But you know what? It kinda sucks.

Don't get me wrong, it's a good game, it really is, and I enjoyed it a lot, but it's not a great game because there is so much missing. Playing it I just felt so much potential had gone to waste. Is that the games fault? Probably not... but it is Will Wright's for trying to create the ultimate game and failing. The trouble is inherent in its design, it was made to be so much bigger than it could ever hope to be. It's five games in one, which necessitates stripping down each one far too much. Of course, I'm still playing the Space stage, which is fun enough, and making creatures, which is great, but there is something missing, and it's not a little problem. Because of this, I have a hard time truly ranking it. While it was fun to play, I feel as if I would be better served playing a game of flOw, then a game of E.V.O, then some Age of Mythology, followed by a game of Civ II and then some Galactic Civilizations II back-to-back-to-back... we'll you get the idea. All these stages in Spore are fun, but so incomplete. Besides, it has a ridiculous DRM.

Cell Stage

A fun and simple stage that is basically a rip off of flOw, a game that's free to download online. Despite the fact that flOw is superior from a strictly gameplay standpoint, the fact that you decide the look and evolution of your creature is nice. My only real gripe with the stage is that you do not have actual control over your character, but point it in a direction and it heads that way. This control method works well in later stages, but not so great here. This stage could be much better if you could control your character like you can in fl0w, turning on a dime, speeding up and slowing down at will, being able to use your different attacks by button presses. It would also be nice if the creatures in this stage didn't basically all look identical... just a little more customization would be great. I'm not asking for as many options as the creature stage, just a few more so that this stage could warrant a replay now and again.

Creature Stage
A decent stage, but again the control holds things back some. I really believe that things would be better with direct control of your character and his combat actions. This would lend more to an action game feel. As it is, you run around either killing things (carnivore) or dancing and singing or other creatures (herbivore) in order to gain parts and evolve your creature. However, the real meat of this stage is creature evolution, which it excels at. There are so many parts to collect that you could literally spend days messing with your character, adding parts, removing others and deciding just what you like. Despite this, the creature creation menu is the only real draw here, and that can be accessed from the main panel and with all the options right away, instead of having to find parts. While longer than the cell stage, this is always a pretty quick affair.

Tribal Stage
This might be my second favorite stage of the game. While there is really not much to it, wiping out other tribes is fun. The resource gathering aspect is shallow, and while there is no technological progress to speak of, it is still a fun, but quick stage. The goal is to expand your village so that you can either conquer or ally with neighboring villages. In order to do this, you need a higher population, and to get a higher population you need more food. You gain food either by hunting, fishing or stealing from other tribes. You can build a few different buildings. Units are divided into classes, your chief, soldiers (spear throwers, archers, axemen), fishermen and musicians (maracas, didgeridoos, drums). Like the entire game, it would benefit from being longer and deeper. More weapons, more technological development, the ability to control more than one village... all these things would help greatly.

Civilization Stage
Yawn. Perhaps the most bare-bones stage in the game when compared to the games that it was based off of and without a doubt the easiest. You rush to get as many resources as you can before other civilizations pop up, then you mass build units and just swarm them. Victory was never in doubt, and while the other stages are not difficult by any means, this was insanely easy. Like the creature stage and the tribal stage before it, this stage is only an obstacle to get to Space. You can remain in these stages as long as you wish, but there is no point... These stages need to become longer and deeper, so that they stand on their own merits rather than something that needs to be beaten to get to the real game.

Space Stage
The best part of the game, but there is still a lot to be desired here. It almost seems as if the game has developed schizophrenia. Am I controlling a space empire or just a single space craft? Either would be fine with me... I would enjoy a nice space strategy game with fleets of ships and planets to administer or a game in the vein of Star Trek, traveling through space, exploring, fighting enemies and everything else. However, the game designers try to make you do both and cripple either option in the process. You are forced to build all your colonies yourself, but you can't build transport ships to trade spice and are forced to transport it for yourself. Yet, you have to buy goods from your own planets, and they charge more than anywhere else. You cannot even recharge your ship for free at your own colonies... the colonies that you built. Worst of all, despite the fact that you seemingly control this empire, you cannot build any other spacecraft than the one you already have. This forces you to fight wars against other species with many ships with just your one and a few allied ships which are easily destroyed. My other major issue is that your relations with other species seem completely independent of each other. Countless times I broke an alliance to attack a species and ccompletely wipe them out, yet this had no effect upon how other species felt about me. This is just completely illogical. It is also extremely annoying to be forced to buy colony packs one at a time rather than buying in bulk and seems to dissuade expansion, which makes little sense considering just how many stars are in the stage.


Despite all of these problems, all of the stages are a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun creating a creature and attacking other things in the Cell and Creature stages, wiping out other tribes in the Tribal and just steamrolling schmucks in Civilization, not to mention how amazing fun the space stage really is. Flying around and discovering planets, terraforming, changing planet's colors and landforms, abducting animals and other species... it is all great. I really enjoyed building a nice little Empire, even though 95% of my planets are superfluous. The interfaces are all elegant and the graphics are beautiful. The game is just so diverse, the planets so numerous, the aliens so weird and attacking the Grox does seem like it will be a challenge. Moreover, the wide array of creatures, buildings and vehicles you can create is mind boggling. Perhaps the best part about this creation aspect is that Spore connects online and automatically downloads the creations of others into your universe. I've never played a game that lets you create such a vibrant and unique world. While I would prefer a deeper game, I understand why they made it so easily accessible. Am I disappointed? Yeah, but that doesn't stop me from enjoying this game a whole helluva lot.

Score: 7/10

Tales from the Internets, volume 4

I'm back everyone, and here to bring you no actual substance on my part. This stuff has piled up for months, and is long overdue. In fact, I have so many links, this is going to be a two-part Tales, the next part coming next week unless I forget (which is highly likely). So here it goes.

A couple of Star Trek related news items that are way old, but you probably haven't seen them anyway, at least the second one. The first is the trailer for the new movie. Kennedy? The beginning of the intro dialogue? Shipyard? This made me excited, even though I have a lot of reservations about this movie.

A Star Trek cartoon? Apparently... It looks pretty interesting, actually, though I have no idea of any new info on the show. I should probably do some digging.

I'm not even sure what to say about this trailer, but the song as the end? Wow...

The next two links are about area codes... yeah, I've gone off the deep end. All I can say is that you gotta love political machines.

And of course... this is just great.

A nice explanation on how the Etch-A-Sketch works.

When most of us think of Japan, we think of televisions, radioactive monsters, tentacle rape, panties in vending machines, but this is shocking even for Japan. I want a copy.

The final two links for today are video game related. The first is a free game that reminds me of those insane Lego ships in Kingdom Hearts mated with the old side-scrolling jet shooters of the 16-bit era. It's fun.

Lastly, is a history of Duke Nukem Forever, which is probably forgotten by most gamers, but still funny. If this game ever comes out...

Well, that's all for today. Thanks for clicking and I hope you enjoyed it.

Sonic the Hedgehog

Games have become so cinematic these days, so much more story-driven, flashier, prettier. I applaud the advances, I enjoy them, even, but I just don’t have the time to delve into all of those games. I still like to read news about new games, but I hardly have time to more than sample them. I’ve played Gears of War and Assassin’s Creed, and a bunch of Wii games, but I’m just not ready to commit to buying a new system. I figure they’ll all be waiting for me in ten years and for cheap, anyway. Sometimes I think that there is an undue emphasis on graphics, but for the most part, I like the added depth of video games. We’re a long way from the princess being in another castle. I still remember the first time I saw the beautiful cinematics of Final Fantasy IX, and experienced the Metal Gear Solid storyline. Hell, I still remember slogging through hours upon hours of random battles in Final Fantasy VI just to further the story. And damn was it worth it. I still don’t know how Square managed to squeeze so much personality out of those little sprites.

Whether it’s because they’re easier to play in short doses, nostalgic, or just better, I don’t know, but I’ve been getting my fill of old school games lately. Over the next couple of months I’m going to be replaying and trying some games I’ve never played so I can write about them. I know a lot of people began video games with Mario or Space Invaders or Pong, but it was Sonic that brought me into the world of video games, so it is with him that I begin.


Title: Sonic the Hedgehog
System: Sega Genesis
Developer: Sonic Team
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: 1991
Genre: Platformer



I’m not quite sure what the first video game I ever played was. It might have been pong, because I do remember my dad having some sort of weird pong machine. However, what I do remember is that Sonic the Hedgehog was what made me fall in love with video games. The Sega Genesis was the first system I ever owned, and Sonic the first game. It came pre-packaged with the system, complete with that “Not For Resale” label on the cartridge that Gamestop seems to love to ignore, and a mail-in coupon for ordering Sonic 2. The game was pure and simple fun.

Back then: When I was a kid, Sonic was the greatest game there was. It was fast and fun and I never got tired of playing it. I used to sit on the carpet in front of the TV for hours, even though I could barely get past the second level. Green Hill Zone was always pretty easy and I got passed it pretty quickly, though Marble Zone kicked my ass for a long time. All that lava was hard to deal with (though cool as hell), and those damned needle-nosed bats and purple caterpillars drove me crazy.

I still remember the code to unlock all the levels… up, down, left right, A, C, start… my sister taught it to me, and I taped the code right onto the front of my Genesis. It was always difficult for me to pull it off, but it was worth it. I don’t remember how far I was able to get on my own, but with the code I got to go to the final level and face Dr. Robotnik in those weird tubes and get squashed over and over again or get to Starry Night zone with all the cool music and spiky balls. It was a joy.

And the game was just blazingly fast, all that “blast processing”, I suppose. It was not a game for a Mario player, not a game for a collector of coins or rings or human skulls. It was blazing fast, it was a race from start to finish with your thumb on the button (any of the three buttons) to jump over those piranha fish or those big metallic wasps or the little mole men that popped out at you from time to time. It was pure reflex and required no patience, which was perfect for a kid.

Oh, and those bonus stages were hard as hell… and disorienting. Why were there little bird blocks? It was the perfect mix of speed, reflex and destruction, which just enough story to pique your interest, but not too much to bore you.



Now: It’s still a great game, but I’m not sure where I would rank it in my top games of all-time. Sonic 2 would definitely be ahead of it, but I’m not sure where it ranks ultimately. I finally beat it thanks to amassing extra lives in Green Hill Zone, continues in the bonus stages and platforming reflexes honed through Mario. While the graphics are outdated and there is no story to really speak of, it’s still fast and fun and simply exhilarating.

Green Hill Zone is a cakewalk, of course, though not quite so much as it’s counterpart in Sonic 2 is. Marble Zone isn’t really that difficult with a little patience, and Spring Yard Zone doesn’t really prove much of a difficulty, except for the boss at the end. I made it through the first three levels without losing a life. Labyrinth Zone, however, can be a bit tricky, especially because it changes up the dynamics of the game so much. Moving around underwater is a slogging experience and waiting for air can be a pain, especially when you’re standing in front of bubbles with the countdown to death popping up in front of your face. It isn’t until Star Light Zone and Scrap Brain Zone that the real challenge begins. These are consequently my two favorite levels. Star Light Zone is just so surreal and features my favorite music of the game. The enemies are interesting and the color palette is unique. The drops into nothingness and the variety of mechanical torture devices make these levels much harder, but much more fun to play through. Scrap Brain Zone is simply crazy, with Tesla coils and gas pipes spitting fire that simply remind me of home. The final Scrap Brain Zone is a spin-off of Labyrinth Zone, but amazingly hard. Air bubbles are few and far between, which really leads to a sense of desperation that is enhanced by the knowledge that you are only moments away from the Final Zone. The last battle isn’t really very hard, though it can be challenging with minimal lives considering that you are given no coins and thus face instant death from any hit. Nevertheless, with patience it is not all that difficult.



Those bonus stages are still hard simply because there is so little control over Sonic… and very disorienting, but cool. They are unique and by far my favorite bonus levels of the entire series, especially not that I can actually get almost all of the chaos emeralds.

The music is catchy and nostalgic, the graphics are vibrant and remind me of something that might have come from the mind of Lewis Carroll, but those two things only lend to the charm. Enemies are interesting and varied, as are the bosses (despite the fact that they are all Robotnik). The real heart of the game is the solid platforming and control of Sonic, even with the speed shoes on. He is fast, but I almost never feel like he is out of control. The jumping is precise and the levels are well designed so that there are few cheap deaths, but many challenging ones. It is this that stands the test of time, and what makes it such a great game. It is a platformer that is right up there with the Mario series, though I can’t really make the case that it surpasses it. Replaying the game, my only real issue is the lack of a spin dash from the later games, which really improved game play in the sequels. But, it is a must play game for anyone who enjoys older games, and still holds up well in the face of time.


Score: 10/10

Download Day

Unfortunately blogger has been upset with me lately and isn't allowing me to add any pictures to my posts. While I do have some posts in the wings, I'm going to save them until it is possible to put pics with them.

My working assumption is that it's because I'm using the Firefox 3 Beta as a browser, so hopefully the problem will be fixed by tomorrow when...

Firefox 3 is released. I can't tell you enough how much better Firefox is than IE, especially because of the customization browser add-ons give you. But, if I had to choose the top reason why you should switch, it would be the cool logo.

In other news, Spore Creature Creator comes out tomorrow, too. Spore is basically a life simulation, letting you play a species from microscopic organism to spacefaring race. I'm pretty excited for the game, but this creator (which has a free version) lets you mess around making cool aliens.

So remember your downloads tomorrow, people.

Super Smash Bros. Jibberish

Sorry posting has been so light lately. I blame Winter break, girlfriends and the fact that instead of doing any blog work Caleb and I would just sit in my basement and talk about how to build a tiny Battlestar out of Legos, which super heroes we would be if we were super heroes or play Vectorman. I promise I will finish the design changes in the next couple of days and that I'll post more now that classes are starting. But for now... This is the last part of our Super Smash Bros. feature. Caleb and I, along with Paul from Careful with that Blog, Eugene decided it would be a good idea to get into a chat and ramble on about video games, Winston Churchill and a variety of other things that I'm sure you don't want to listen to. Anyway, we thought it was funny, and while it is insanely long, you might too.

These are our picks:

Caleb

Matt

Paul

And here is the insanity which took me about two hours to edit thanks to Caleb's failure to capitalize anything, Paul's excessive use of tildes and both of their decisions to use any form of punctuation or grammar of any kind:

Matt (11:32:49 PM): So... the characters that are verified to be in Super Smash Bros. Brawl are Boswer, Diddy Kong, Donkey Kong, Fox, Ice Climbers, Ike, King Dedede, Kirby, Link, Lucas, Mario, Meta Night, PEach, Pikachu, Pit, Pokemon Trainer, Samus, Snake, Sonic, Wario, Yoshi and Zelda...
Caleb (11:32:55 PM): Are the first to that came to my mind
Paul (11:33:00 PM): I have thought long and hard about who, what, where, when and why should be in this fucking game
Caleb (11:33:00 PM): Wowowowwow
Caleb (11:33:04 PM): You planned for this?!
Matt (11:33:06 PM): No.
Paul (11:33:23 PM): Not really
Matt (11:33:28 PM): I just got that from Wikipedia two minutes ago.
Caleb (11:33:57 PM): Pokemon trainer is a character?
Matt (11:33:57 PM): And let's just assume anyone else who has appeared in a Smash Bros. game is going to be in it. So, if you could choose anyone else to be in the game, who would it be?
Caleb (11:34:03 PM): How is that even a person? That's worse than
Caleb (11:34:17 PM): "Nameless Russian Scientist" in 007
Matt (11:34:24 PM): Hey, I kicked ass as him!
Paul (11:34:26 PM): Dr. Doak!
Paul (11:34:28 PM): He needs in.
Caleb (11:34:48 PM): Agreed, but does he remain nameless?
Paul (11:35:02 PM): He doesn't. He is Dr. fucking Doak
Matt (11:35:52 PM): I think we need some King K. Rool in the game.
Matt (11:35:57 PM): It's severely lacking in reptiles.
Caleb (11:36:19 PM): The kremlin?
Paul (11:36:33 PM): Like Excitebike Billy.
Caleb (11:37:14 PM): I always wondered if the Kremling Krew was a commie front.
Caleb (11:37:21 PM): I still can’t tell.
Caleb (11:37:28 PM): They are very work force oriented.
Caleb (11:37:35 PM): The kremlings.
Paul (11:37:36 PM): Face it, if Solid fucking Snake is in this game, the floodgates are open. I want Wart. I want Alex Kidd. I want Robotnik AND Eggman. I want Super Shredder.
Matt (11:38:10 PM): We need the Eggman concept art with the kiddie pillow in the game.
Matt (11:38:21 PM): And no Alex Kidd. I hate that fucker.
Paul (11:38:21 PM): I want Wilford Kong!
Matt (11:38:27 PM): He's an enemy of BSD.
Paul (11:38:29 PM): All the more reason to beat the piss out of him
Matt (11:38:40 PM): What about koopas?
Matt (11:38:42 PM): And goombas?
Caleb (11:38:49 PM): Are these characters restricted to video games?
Paul (11:38:49 PM): I think that all of the Koopa Kids should be in
Paul (11:38:53 PM): And Baby fucking Bowser
Matt (11:38:54 PM): Yes!
Matt (11:39:02 PM): But can we all agree... no Waluigi?
Matt (11:39:07 PM): In anything... ever again?
Paul (11:39:09 PM): And the weird dice guy from Mario Party 3
Paul (11:39:17 PM): Diceman > Waluigi
Matt (11:39:26 PM): Anything > Waluigi.
Caleb (11:39:35 PM): Agreed
Paul (11:39:45 PM): I think I'd rather slam a desk drawer on my testes than play another game with that shitlicker in it
Matt (11:39:59 PM): I think that if Sonic is in, Tails definitely needs to be, too.
Caleb (11:40:51 PM): As a team though, the way capcom set up iron man and war machine
Paul (11:40:54 PM): I think Tails should only be in the game in the same sense that Slippy Toad is in the others: he should fly in on his faggy plane to save Sonics ass when he's falling off shit.
Matt (11:41:11 PM): No, he needs to be his own character.
Paul (11:41:21 PM): Put him in a poke-ball, call it a day
Caleb (11:41:32 PM): But he's such a fruity character
Matt (11:41:35 PM): That's just basically Vulpix.
Paul (11:41:40 PM): Exactly
Paul (11:41:42 PM): Fuck a Tails
Paul (11:41:56 PM): Maybe he'll be a trophy
Caleb (11:41:58 PM): Oh, and for the Mario characters, i think we have to us some of their movie counterparts
Paul (11:42:08 PM): BOB HOSKINS!
Paul (11:42:38 PM): Oh, Bleck needs in
Matt (11:42:47 PM): No Bleck.
Matt (11:42:49 PM): That guy is insane.
Paul (11:42:51 PM): BLECK!
Paul (11:43:00 PM): O'Chunks?
Matt (11:43:18 PM): Next you'll be wanting that weird wizard from the Zelda 3DO games in.
Caleb (11:43:37 PM): I have no idea who you guys are talking about now
Paul (11:43:39 PM): Paper Mario > 3DO
Paul (11:43:48 PM): Oh, I want Donkey Kong Jr.
Paul (11:43:58 PM): If he's in Mario Tennis, he must be in SSB
Caleb (11:45:26 PM): The whole Donkey Kong clan.
Caleb (11:45:38 PM): Even the cousin who is a retard.
Paul (11:46:13 PM): The Dice guy from MP3 is named Tumble.
Paul (11:46:21 PM): We need Birdo.
Matt (11:46:32 PM): But not the gay Birdo.
Matt (11:46:36 PM): The old Birdo.
Paul (11:46:52 PM): Indeed.
Matt (11:46:55 PM): What about Megman man?
Paul (11:47:24 PM): Hmm.
Paul (11:47:29 PM): I want Mighty Mac.
Caleb (11:47:47 PM): Mighty Max?
Matt (11:47:56 PM): Mighty Max isn't a video game character.
Caleb (11:48:24 PM): I say we don’t limit it to video games.
Matt (11:48:33 PM): We have to.
Paul (11:48:38 PM): MIGHTY MAX!
Paul (11:48:46 PM): Oh Shit, I remember the Mighty Max castle I had.
Matt (11:48:49 PM): If we don't you're going to be suggesting salad tongs and the Death Star as characters.
Caleb (11:48:52 PM): Seriously, I say if they can have Link, young Link, and now a Link that has wings, I want Prince and the Artist formally know as Prince.
Paul (11:48:55 PM): And I mean the dude from Punch-out.
Matt (11:48:56 PM): I had this weird dragon head and turned into a base.
Paul (11:49:09 PM): I had a mountain that did the same.
Caleb (11:49:15 PM): THE DEATH STAR!!!!
Matt (11:49:18 PM): I remember that mountain.
Caleb (11:49:30 PM): I had that toy TOOO
Matt (11:49:33 PM): Winston Churchill should be a character.
Caleb (11:49:50 PM): I went on eBay a few weeks ago and had to hold back from buying a shit load of mighty max stuff.
Caleb (11:50:04 PM): No, Winston Churchill in a mech suit.
Paul (11:50:14 PM): Shit...we need Paper versions of the Mario crew.
Matt (11:50:35 PM): Make the paper versions a different color combo, not all new characters.
Caleb (11:50:39 PM): Because why use a tank, when you can use a tank that can fall down.
Matt (11:51:00 PM): We need to write a post about how much mechs make no sense.
Caleb (11:51:04 PM): We do.
Paul (11:51:19 PM): I would have figured Empire had proved that point.
Caleb (11:51:22 PM): And we need to mention the Churchill game where he is a Mech, even if we don’t use it here.
Paul (11:51:35 PM): Wrap the legs up with fucking floss, they fall down.
Matt (11:51:37 PM): We should make that game.
Matt (11:51:44 PM): They're like AT-ATs.
Paul (11:51:50 PM): DENTAL FLOSS OF DEATH!
Caleb (11:51:58 PM): Right after spontaneous combustion, and action packed!
Paul (11:52:11 PM): ...have we started talking about the game yet?
Caleb (11:52:31 PM): I'm writing up a Mech piece this weekend, I’ll contact you guys, this'll add nicely to the auto tag.
Caleb (11:53:02 PM): We all need to make our bids, and I’m not letting go of my dual Princes.
Matt (11:54:49 PM): You go first, I’m still deciding.
Caleb (11:54:53 PM): Oh yeah guys, this was a horrible idea.
Matt (11:55:01 PM): Obviously.
Caleb (11:55:10 PM): The three of us in one place, that isn't real.
Caleb (11:55:21 PM): Seriously even Kafka wouldn’t joke about this.
Paul (11:55:35 PM): Kafka needs in.
Caleb (11:55:43 PM): And Wal-Mart Jesus.
Matt (11:55:50 PM): It's like putting a bunch of monkeys in a room full of typewriters for a hundred years.
Caleb (11:56:00 PM): Shit.
Caleb (11:56:05 PM): More like two hundred years.
Caleb (11:56:13 PM): And the monkeys are retarded.
Caleb (11:56:20 PM): Or donkeys.
Paul (11:56:23 PM): And don't care about Shakespeare.
Matt (11:56:27 PM): Okay, I have my pick... I'm going with Banjo-Kazooie, just because he's so lame.
Caleb (11:56:37 PM): "Monkeys aren’t donkeys! Stop messing with my head!"
Matt (11:56:52 PM): But only if he can do that butt stomp he does.
Matt (11:57:31 PM): Fuck, wait!
Matt (11:57:33 PM): No, I change mine.
Matt (11:57:37 PM): I want Conker.
Paul (11:57:41 PM): Ohh.
Paul (11:57:45 PM): I want Dr. Doak.
Matt (11:57:51 PM): You're so lame.
Matt (11:58:06 PM): What about Odd Job?
Caleb (11:58:14 PM): So what do we say, we each get three, four characters?
Matt (11:58:21 PM): Three.
Paul (11:58:26 PM): He's copyrighted, and Albert R. Broccoli smokes pole.
Matt (11:58:28 PM): Your pick, Caleb.
Caleb (11:58:30 PM): Bear Necessity.
Caleb (11:58:41 PM): Wait no.
Caleb (11:58:43 PM): Strike that.
Caleb (11:59:08 PM): Prince/Slash Artist formally know as Prince, in response to the overflow of Link characters.
Matt (11:59:27 PM): Alright, I'm going with Dr. Robotnik.
Paul (11:59:30 PM): Has Prince appeared on a Nintendo system?
Caleb (11:59:49 PM): I don't think so
Matt (11:59:56 PM): Aerosmith has.
Caleb (12:00:07 AM): If anyone complains, neither has sonic right?
Caleb (12:00:14 AM): That game is awesome.
Paul (12:00:15 AM): He has since Gamecube.
Caleb (12:00:19 AM): Fight the future, with music.
Paul (12:00:24 AM): And you need to change your answer to Steven Tyler.
Paul (12:00:33 AM): Erm...I'm going to go with...
Paul (12:00:54 AM): Team Motherfucking Rocket.
Matt (12:01:00 AM): What the fuck, Paul?
Paul (12:01:07 AM): Jesse and James, bitch!
Matt (12:01:12 AM): They're not from video games.
Caleb (12:01:12 AM): Nooooooooo!
Matt (12:01:14 AM): Doesn't count.
Paul (12:01:17 AM): Pokemon Yellow.
Paul (12:01:19 AM): Victory.
Matt (12:01:30 AM): Fuck.
Matt (12:01:32 AM): That's bullshit.
Caleb (12:01:38 AM): Is anyone else dying on the floor right now?
Matt (12:01:45 AM): Yes.
Matt (12:01:47 AM): It's your pick, Caleb.
Caleb (12:03:06 AM): ...
Caleb (12:03:07 AM): Pass.
Matt (12:03:12 AM): You can't pass.
Matt (12:03:18 AM): Pick Reptile or something.
Matt (12:03:29 AM): Or Bubsy.
Caleb (12:03:34 AM): Nien Nunb.
Matt (12:03:37 AM): lol
Paul (12:03:41 AM): FUCK YES~!
Paul (12:03:59 AM): This will be the greatest blog post ever
Matt (12:04:01 AM): You can't pick Nien Nunb.
Paul (12:04:07 AM): WHAT?
Caleb (12:04:13 AM): Why not?
Paul (12:04:14 AM): Super Return of the Jedi, bitch!
Caleb (12:04:19 AM): Yeah!
Matt (12:04:22 AM): I guarantee he's not in it.
Caleb (12:04:22 AM): I played that shit.
Caleb (12:04:30 AM): It was implied that he was in there
Matt (12:04:36 AM): And no one can even get that far to figure it out.
Caleb (12:04:44 AM): Come on, it's Lucas, they would never, in a million years, mess up canon.
Caleb (12:04:47 AM): Oh wait...
Matt (12:04:53 AM): LMAO
Matt (12:05:00 AM): Pick someone else, dammit.
Caleb (12:05:08 AM): Good point, so no one knows if he is in it or not, so by default.
Paul (12:05:16 AM): He's not in it.
Matt (12:05:56 AM): Fine, I'm going with Kefka!
Paul (12:05:58 AM): You should have Masturbating Ernie as your pick
Matt (12:06:07 AM): LMAO
Matt (12:06:10 AM): NOOOOOO!
Matt (12:06:12 AM): Don't speak of that!
Caleb (12:06:22 AM): So did I just use two picks?
Matt (12:06:27 AM): Yes.
Matt (12:06:30 AM): It's Paul's pick now.
Paul (12:06:39 AM): Alright. Time to think
Matt (12:07:07 AM): This is your last pick.
Paul (12:09:17 AM): This is so tough
Paul (12:09:51 AM): But.
Paul (12:09:52 AM): Uh.
Caleb (12:09:56 AM): I got mine
Paul (12:10:08 AM): Wilford Kong
Matt (12:10:24 AM): ...
Matt (12:10:25 AM): Moving on...
Caleb (12:10:37 AM): Is this your last matt?
Paul (12:11:03 AM): It was a toss-up between him and Vectorman.
Caleb (12:11:16 AM): Vectorman stole my heart.
Matt (12:11:29 AM): I already have all mine.
Matt (12:11:31 AM): It's Caleb's last.
Paul (12:11:37 AM): Or Andross.
Caleb (12:11:55 AM): Hold on, recap for me
Matt (12:12:54 AM): I took Conker, Dr. Robotnik and Kefka.
Paul (12:13:02 AM): While we're recaping, I am changing my third to a serious one: Frog Suit Marios.
Matt (12:13:17 AM): Paul took Dr. Doak, Team Rocket and Wilford fucking Kong.
Caleb (12:13:17 AM): Good one.
Caleb (12:13:21 AM): So who are yours, Paul?
Matt (12:13:29 AM): You took Prince (Aerosmith) and Nien Nunb.
Matt (12:13:41 AM): No suits.
Matt (12:13:44 AM): Just characters.
Caleb (12:14:07 AM): Bizarro.
Paul (12:14:21 AM): lol
Paul (12:14:29 AM): BIZARRO AM WINNING GAME!
Caleb (12:14:46 AM): I also have one honorary character to throw out, Ender, in response to kid Link and Ness.
Paul (12:15:51 AM): Baby Mario.
Paul (12:16:29 AM): More useful than Jigglypuff.
Caleb (12:16:57 AM): I also think mech churchill should be honorary.
Matt (12:17:06 AM): This was just a bad idea.
Paul (12:16:41 AM): This is a fantastic idea.
Paul (12:16:48 AM): If Snake is in the game, Doak should be too.
Matt (12:16:55 AM): Okay... I had another talking point, but I think maybe we've gone on too long already.
Caleb (12:16:57 AM): Now he is thinking.
Paul (12:17:01 AM): He is far more important to the history of awesome Nintendo Games.
Paul (12:17:48 AM): What was the other talking point?
Matt (12:18:04 AM): Who we would get rid of that's already a Smash Bros. character.
Caleb (12:18:26 AM): Alright, so our line up, Conker, Robotnik (with pillow), Kafka, Doak, Team Rocket, Wilford Kon, Prince/Artist, Nien Nunb, and Bizarro
Matt (12:19:00 AM): Not Kafka!
Matt (12:19:01 AM): Kefka!
Paul (12:19:32 AM): I would get rid of Jigglypuff.
Paul (12:19:45 AM): That fucking snob.
Matt (12:19:59 AM): I want Dr. Mario out.
Matt (12:20:06 AM): He's the same fucking thing as Mario, except he throws viagra.
Paul (12:20:33 AM): Which is way better than Jigglypuff's being Kirby without cock sucking ability.
Matt (12:22:34 AM): At least Jigglypuff is a different character.
Matt (12:22:38 AM): Who would you get rid of, Caleb?
Caleb (12:23:59 AM): From the new game, or the others too?
Caleb (12:24:11 AM): Pikachu.