Moon Men

Moon Men
Originally uploaded by zagreb911

I am pretty much just ripping this story straight from another blog, content and all. My purpose for this is that I'm a big fan of both Frank Frazetta and IRL. I wish I'd know about the contest mentioned in the BB story while it was still going on- c'est la vie.

This group did an amazing job at recreating Frazetta's work. It helps that, as many people have commented on the flickr page already, that the woman in the shot is not only beautiful and curvaceous, but is also strikingly Frazetta-esque figure and matches the obalisque in the original painting remarkably closely.

I recently read E.R. Burroughs' 1912 novel A Princess of Mars. Frazetta did cover art and insets for a number of these works years after their initial serialization and publication. I was lucky enough to find an illustrated copy of the book in a near-by library's Special Collections. Both the illustration of the princess mentioned in the title of the book, Dejah Thoris, as well as E.R.B's description of her came to mind when I saw Zagreb911's photo.

"And the sight which met my eyes was that of a slender, girlish figure, similar in every detail to the earthly women of my past life... Her face was oval and beautiful in the extreme, her every feature was finely chiseled and exquisite, her eyes large and lustrous and her head surmounted by a mass of coal black, waving hair, caught loosely into a strange yet becoming coiffure. Her skin was of a light reddish copper color, against which the crimson glow of her cheeks and the ruby of her beautifully molded lips shone with a strangely enhancing effect.

She was as destitute of clothes as the green Martians who accompanied her; indeed, save for her highly wrought ornaments she was entirely naked, nor could any apparel have enhanced the beauty of her perfect and symmetrical figure."

From the Dust Returned: Blogging the Dead

This post was originally conceived to continue and make a practice of Matt's Profile in Courage blog reports.  Sadly though these blogs didn't last long enough to get there.  So I introduce you to six of my favorite Blogs of the Dead.

To Hell and Back (or Hellback)

This is a blog I had a lot of hope for but like all in this list it seems that was not enough to sustain it.  Matt and I went back and forth quite some bit about plugging this blog in our sidebar but ultimately it's inability to keep over time condemned it to only be plugged here, after its death.  When once BSD ran a word search on the entire body of work Hellback produced the words "penis,""beowulf," and "jesus" appeared some fifty odd times each.  With numbers like those it's a wonder what happened to this blog.   


Things I Should Keep to Myself

This blog I found earlier in the year.  I don't know if E. has totally abandoned it yet or not; I've seen others comeback from far further points of neglect.  I hope they do because they have the beginnings of a nice rant-style blog with one or two promising posts.  My favorite post of theirs (Give Yourself a Hand) ruminates on the inability of men in relation to the female sex organ and contains the kind lines "Seriously, guys, a clit is not a record and you are not a DJ. There is a method, and most of ya'll don't know it."

The Impression I Get (or Green)
is gone. Green was (is?) a regular reader and commenter on BSD and had a nice flavor for the creative.  However, my favorite post on The Impression I Get was Speling!, an argument investigation into spelling reform and all it's fascist antecedents.  

Tres Pretentieux

A master of linguistics, music, and humor, the author of this seemingly deceased blog, Karl, can also be found writing along side Paul (the original dead blogger) and myself at Sublime Noises.  Karl has a slew of tremendously funny posts but none is funnier to me than his virgin voyage post, Robot Penis, Activate!  Karl's lack of blogging can be excused by his new venture into hip-hop.  He's quickly becoming my favorite new artist.  Take a listen and become a fan on Facebook or Myspace.

The Misadventures of a Flannel Wearing Nerd
I take personal responsibility for the name of this blogger.  Lumber Jackie is one of the tallest, coolest and sexiest nerds I know, which is one reason why the idea of her blogging has always appealed to me.  She's the perfect type for it.  The most personal of all the blogs here, TMFWN started off as a way of friends keeping in touch but lately it's been rather slow.  Still in it's early days I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt and saying it's on a 'temporary hiatus' in hopes it will soon return.  If it does I hope to bring you more form it in the future. 

Heathcliff

A one hit wonder not to be confused with Paul's own quickly dying blog, Heathcliff Explained, Heathcliff the Blog was in the same vain as livejournal or regular journals.  My favorite post was their first and only.  My favorite line? "finals are in a week. sure i'm ready for them, but are they ready for me?" Why do the young and talented always have to be taken from us to early.

Some of you are friends of BSD, others complete strangers; but all are missed.  To any Dead Bloggers who might be reading this I leave you with this final thought : It's not too late!  As Scrooge learned from the Spirit of Christmas-yet-to-Come, these are not the visions of what is but only what might become.
CML

Chewing the Fat- a closer look at Jek Porkins

(I hadn't planned on posting this here to BSD but with the questioning of my allegiances by a coauthor who's name I won't mention and the additional coverage it's found around the scene I might as well included it in what looks to be another slow week. Thanks are owed to Paul of Careful With that Blog, Eugene who originally posted my Porkins exposé and Fletch of Blog Cabins who was cool enough to pick it up and send it along its merry way in syndication.)

What's in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Jek Tono Porkins is a useless piece of shit. Of all the characters in the Star Wars Universe he is without doubt the largest waste of space. In a world where any character (no matter how small their part in the original films) can find immortality and depth in the Extended Universe, Porkins is the exception that proves the rule. His appearances beyond A New Hope are all limited to the cockpit he died in, most likely because he was stuck in it, and half of these are by mention only. He is a stock character. Like the running buffalo reel, Porkins is pointless filler. Fat filler.

Porkins, like Luke, once flew a T-16 before becoming part of the rebel movement. Like Luke he was a friend of Biggs Darklighter’s before he too died. However, Porkins, unlike Luke, was a fat piece of shit and an awful pilot. Looking at him in the cockpit, jiggling up an down, you have to wonder how he ever got into it. Or, if perhaps the reason he hasn’t been portrayed outside his role in Red Squadron is because he was in fact stuck inside his starfighter, his ass grown into the circuitry and all. Why didn’t he eject like Darklighter told him to? Because he was stuck!
His mass begs the question: did Rouge Squadron not have some sort of physical standard to which their pilots were held to? I mean I understand that they were hard up for flyboys but even Porkins proved to be less capable in the Battle of Yavin than did Luke, and it’s most likely Luke hadn’t even flown a starfighter before. I understand the retirement rate for Red Squadron pilots is about the same as the retirement rate of Italian Formula 1 race car drivers but it seems that there should be some standard- after all these men are being given expensive and precious equipment in the Rebel fight against the Empire. It seems they should be able to keep them inflight for at least the frist two minutes of an attack.

Porkins’ Wookieepedia entry is a testament to the utter uselessness of the fat fucker. Half of the article is dedicated to trying to make sense of his death and explain away his incompetence as a rebel pilot- "Though his X-wing fighter was maneuverable enough to avoid the Death Star's sluggish turbolasers, a mechanical malfunction hampered his ability to dodge enemy fire. Jek always set his acceleration compensator to full power, and unfortunately in this case it caused him to misjudge his altitude. He needed a short break to restabilize, during which one of the Death Star turbolaser emplacements was able to home in on him and shoot him down."

An X-wing’s maximum acceleration in 3,700 Gs and has a maximum speed of 1,050 km/h but even in the weightlessness of space Porkins’ fat ass was heavy enough to fuck him over, slow him down, drop him too low and get him shot. The only “malfunction” Porkins experienced was a glandular malfunction of fatness and sucking.

The Star Wars franchise is notorious for creating figures in its toy line that are almost impossible to play with like Bacta Tank Luke (ohh, fun) and Count Dooku hologram (fucking pointless) but the Porkins toy takes the cake, just like Porkins. Nothing is better than a toy of a fat, clumsy, dead pilot. Even the barfing Jabba the Hutt offers more backstory and possibilities for fun than Porkins. I remember one Christmas morning when I was about 10 or 11 when my brother unwrapped his big gift and it was a X-wing starfighter with flashing lights, launching missiles, and an array of movie sounds. And then I opened my gift. What was it? Disappointment. I’d been given what I thought must have been the worst possible toy to give a Star Wars child: a TIE Fighter. Why was it such an awful gift? Because it, like its movie counterpart, was only good at doing one thing - dying. That’s all it did. Instead of flashing lights, shooting missiles and making realistic sounds from the movie it instead blew up. It literally fell apart one wing at a time, again and again and again right in your hands. I couldn’t have been more upset. If I only knew now what I didn’t know then. If I had been given the choice of an enemy ship who’s extent of fun was epic failure or a dumpy little Porkins figure AND an X-wing I would have picked the TIE Fighter. That is how worthless Porkins is, the piece of shit.

But don’t get me wrong; I don’t think he’s an awful Star Wars character because of his fatness. I think Porkins is an awful Star Wars character because he died almost immediately into the Battle of Yavin...and his fatness.

Porkins is an obese turd in an orange flight suit. It’s even in his name, Porkins- porky, piggy, swine, shit lover. It’s kind of insulting. Was Plo Koon black? No. Was Wenton Chan asian? No. So why did they have to name the fat guy Porkins? Lucas might of well as just called him Tommy Lardnova or Dic Muncher.

What’s in a name? that which we call Porkins by any other name would be so fat.

CML

(for more Awful Star Wars characters visit CWtB,E.)

The Literary Roundup

This summer has been a summer of reading for me. While I haven;t had that much free time lately I've still managed to pack my days with pages and pages of reading. I'd say a good 80-90% of my waking thoughts are turned towards literature. So, I thought it'd be interesting to bring just a few of the little, entertaining, and weird bits of writing or literature related things that I've been playing around with online.

Thou caluminous rampallian flap-dragon! Thou puking guts-griping blind-worm!
This is a really simple but fun page to play with. I found it completely on purpose (unlike most everything els) because I there are some situations where only the harsh and scornful words of the bard will do. I'm sure you've all been there. Its always seemed very important to me that when insulting someone to be smart about it. It isn't all that fun or impressive to just hurt someone's feelings because belittling someone else doesn't do anything to raise yourself up. Insulting a person is really more about proving not how dumb they are but how smart you are, how creative and witty you can be on the spot. With the Shakespearean Insulter you don't need to be either and you can still look smart... or at least well read. If anything no one will ever doubt again your nerdiness.

"The Book Really Focuses on Vietnam, For Some Reason"
You know what I always wanted more of as a child? Stories about creepy old guys and Vietnam. Something with a real David Lynch feel to it. Well, the infantile and juvenile youth of this country are going to be getting just that it. Meghan McCain, the daughter of Republican nominee John McCain, is writing a children's story about her father; and I'm sure it'll be accidently scary as hell. Imagine Strega Nona, but with more pandering, lying, and illusions to war.
(For an added creepy thrill check out Meghan's blog, McCainBlogette.com. Have you ever seen anything as unnatural looking as conservatives playing playing around and having fun? Me neither.)

Move Under Ground
This, like everything beatnik or Lovecraftian, is totally bat shit insane by the looks of it. "Jack Kerouac witnesses the rising of R'lyeh off the California coast. With Neal Cassady and William S. Burroughs, Jack takes to the road, crossing America to save the world from a Lovecraftian cult." See what I mean? Totally insane bat shit. I was pretty excited though when I found this because I'm reading Naked Lunch right now and I just finished some of H.P. Lovecraft's "better" works. I was also excited about finding this book not because I have any intention of reading it but because it supports my belief that Lovecraft fans are some of the best intentioned but worst endowed (of taste and talent) than any science fiction or horror fans you can find. And that's saying something. You can find the full ext here. I haven't read any of it, and I never will. Lovecraft and Burroughs reviews to follow.

I'm your pusher. But I don't mind. Here's some great lit. product.
Grammar
Irony
Shakespeare 1
Shakespeare 2

CM!

Classic

Profiles in Courage: Paul Arrand Rodgers

If you frequent this blog at all, you know about Paul, the mighty slayer of infidels. He's the purveyor of the chaotic mass of articles, youtube clips and lolbots that are not actually robots that he calls Careful With that Blog, Eugene. The man now has five blogs... I think, that's Caleb's count and I haven't really been able to verify that. For all I know, he has more. Obviously being inside enemy territory for so long has scrambled his brain and messed up his inhibition unit. We at BSD, think this multiple blog policy is atrocious, mostly because it forces me to click on multiple links... and besides, there is no navigation from one blog the next on CWTB, E (the comma in the acronym was Paul's idea). How the hell am I supposed to read all this stuff? While my motives might be selfish... he must be stopped! Seriously...

Five blogs?! This has to be some sort of plot to wreak psychological havoc against all who oppose him. Frankly, we here at BSD are just glad we're on good terms with the madman. Having known Paul for far too long, I have come to the conclusion that one should never believe a word that comes out of his mouth before carefully weighing it over yourself... because chances are he's either making an insane joke, trying to bullshit you into thinking he knows what he's talking about, or trying to convince you of something. Maybe he should start a blog of the outrageous statements he makes... I just think he should pack it in and join BSD, frankly, but I'm sure it'd require a signing bonus we couldn't afford. But, I digress. The real point of the post was to stand in slack jawed wonder at the awesomeness that is Paul Arrand Rodgers, his unbelievably prolific blogging skills, and the three dozen movie scripts he is writing simultaneously. I'm pretty sure I'm in all of them, too, as every few weeks he comes to me with a new idea and a new character based off of me. But Paul... as Caleb refers to him, "The Jolly Green Giant" is an unstoppable force of utter insanity and puppets with no fear of copyright law or the sensibilities of weaker individuals. The man even got hit on in the comment section of his blog, how pimp is that? Speaking of which, if you are that girl, please contact the BSD staff, e-mail link is over on the left hand side of the blog.

Paul is the jovial mastermind behind such cultural phenomena as "The Wal-Mart Theologian", "The Posse of the Future: because one day the future will come and you can say 'hey, I belonged to that posse'" and "Fans and Friends of Rod Allen and Mario Impemba". He can create anti-matter with his mind, is capable of crushing ants beneath his shoe, was elected Senator of some small Ohio school or something, and once I saw him beat play Granadia III for a really long time... there was a rabbit in that game, I believe. He's a colossus, a chimera, a cross between Adam West's Batman, The Riddler and that crazy blue elephant alien who plays the keyboard at the cantina... okay, I'm not going to lie, I know his name... it's Max Rebo.

I have no idea what I am even saying anymore, this is all just bat shit insane, so without further ado, the blogs:

Careful with That Blog, Eugene is a mass of posts about things with even less structure than BSD. I think that's the point, however, but I'm not sure. As Paul put it so eloquently, "I think CWTB,E is best suited for my longer ruminations on things pertaining to me and awesome youtube videos." Since I've already covered this blog multiple times... just know that it's insane.

Good Things Rendered Crappily takes that insanity to a whole new level, a level that I'm sure most of you are not even capable of comprehending. So don't even bother with the link, you'd just black out or something. I thought this thing was dead after about a week, but apparently it's still going. The blog focuses on 300, Jesus and some Canadians.

Daily Muppet Meditation is a collection of youtube Muppet clips... yeah, not much more that I can say about that one. It's funny. Apparently though, Paul was getting complaints from his rabid fan base about the Muppets messing up the delicate aesthetic of CWTB, E. If the BSD readers ever got that uppity, I would crush them beneath my mighty fist... moving on...

Paul Arrand Rodgers Explains Today's Heathcliff is my favorite of Paul's blogs. I'm not kidding. The idea sounds horrible, because who the hell wants to read Heathcliff? But that's the whole damn point. I'm not sure if this is actually today's Heathcliff, but whatever...

Confessions From a Pair of Church Whores is... um... I'm not really sure, I haven't bothered to read it. This is why you need to cut down on the fucking blogs, Paul! It sounds really sultry, though, maybe I should check it out. I wonder if there are any school girl outfits.

Stumble Thru Myspace is Paul's latest effort that was created after I started writing this damn post... so yes... this is Paul's sixth blog. Um... apparently there is Zelda metal music, which was pretty good. Anything else is pending.

Creative Genius or Guy Sitting on Couch?

There you go... I'm not even sure if any of this is funny, but I do know that I definitely went off the deep end and into a strange place while writing this one. I'm going to go do something normal now... maybe eat a PB and J, or watch TV or something. Until next time...

A Couple of Blog Links and Rambling

Due to several startling accusations that this blog is beginning to resemble a "livejournal", I feel I need to respond. Firstly, the whole point of this endeavor was for Caleb and I to write about whatever the hell we wanted to, and I'm sticking to that point. Secondly, I don't ramble on about my problems or whine about anything. Anything that I write is going to have shades of my personal experiences in it, because, well... I wrote it. But, if I did want to complain about my love troubles or how I sunk a really sweet jump shot in basketball the other day, I will. Lastly, don't take offense to any of this... I enjoyed the comments and know they were not meant with any ill will. You know, to be safe, just don't be offended by anything I ever say.

I have a couple of blog links today of a literary nature. Both sites are really hilarious (at least if you find bad grammar amusing).

The first is Left Behind at the Fishbowl. Paul found this somewhere and I came across the link on his blog. The premise is that readers find random writing and submit it, then it is corrected by the author and posted. The writing is just atrocious and the blog author's corrections witty and funny. I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys writing at all, but I'm pretty sure most people would get a good laugh out of it... unless you're a terrible writer. It might not be quite so funny then. Plus, I think the author is from Michigan.

The second blog is Passive Aggressive Notes. Just go to the site if you want to see what it is about, I'd rather not fumble around with too much of an explanation. Just believe me when I say it's funny. "Is that a question of a command!?!?"

Next week sometime BSD will return to regularly scheduled programming.

...which means I'll have something a bit more substantive to post than news articles, blog links, pictures and generic rambling about the blog itself.