Zooey: in memory

"We are assembled here today to pay final respects to our honored dead. And yet, it should be noted that in the midst of our sorrow, this death takes place in the shadow of new life, the sunrise of a new world.”
- James T. Kirk

Sometimes I wonder if this blog should just give in and write exclusively about science fiction… find a niche that is marketable and build an expanded readership from there. But then I remember how nice it feels to write about sex and longing and how few the times I’ve masturbated to Princess Leia have been and coyishly considered how many more times I should’ve.

In that same way I also consider writing a blog exclusively about such things as strange sexuality. Weird sex. The works. It wouldn’t be hard; Matt and I have seen such things that would make you wonder, like Birdo bjs and Marty Feldman tits. Even a simple image search for Robert A. Heinlein on Google has led us to a busty and bulging redhead in her baby blue bra and panties. The sub-culture of pornography on the Internet is something I’m going to look back fondly on in many years as one of the more artistically surprising moments of my youth and harden at.

But right now it is not with a smile but a sigh that I write about some such dazzling porn. And that is because my best friend Matt has lost someone very important to him. Her name was Zooey, and she was a porn. And like Zooey Glass neither he nor I are sure we know how to say her name right but we still feel connected to her. I never knew her the way Matt did but he told me about her upon her passing and in preparation for this obituary. Though I never watched her I feel I knew her through his words:

“Zooey? She had blonde hair down to about halfway between her shoulds and shin, rectangular black glasses and a school girl's outfit. It was one of those porns that's supposed to be teacher/student thing, but while the girl MAYBE could be taken for a student, the teacher looks like some guy you'd find playing pool in a dive bar. She gave him head and then he bent her over the desk, it wasn't very original from that perspective, but she was just the prettiest girl...”

She’s dead now, deleted, gone the way of Goatse.cx and the dinosaurs (wink wink.) It’s a sad day when you lose a porn that’s close to you. Some of us only have but a few brief minutes of joy in the sun before like the house fly were gone forever, navigated away, lost forever ins a sea of skin and jpegs.

But luckily there is hope because as one light dies another may be lighted. It just so happens that while Matt’s Zooey lay dying I was just finding my favorite clip of porn. I don’t know her name, but I think I’m going to call her Kevin because she’s home alone. She’s green, like an unripe banana, and like Matt said about Zooey, there isn’t anything particularly special about Kevin or the clip or anything- but some nights she’s just the prettiest little thing to look at.

There are vixens out there; calling. Sweet sweet vixens.

Carrie Fisher- in effigy of Zooey, may she rest in peace