Super Mario World

Victory!

Glorious, glorious triumph…

After twelve long years, I have finally done it. I can finally die happy…

I have saved The Princess…

I have defeated Bowser…

I have beaten Super Mario World.

Is it just me, or does the Princess kind of look like she has a beard?

Now, I know what you’re thinking… “Matt, that game is a million years old” and “Who the hell cares?” and “You’re a friggin’ moron”. I know I’ll get the same response I got when I finally saw the episode where Mulder and Scully kissed. No one cares because it happened so long ago, but hear me out…

Super Mario World is an amazing game! It’s definitely in my top five favorite games of all time along with Ocarina of Time, Civilization II, and a few others. The controls are so fluid and responsive, the levels so innovative, the gameplay so fun. Isn’t it every kids dream to beat SMW? Freeing Yoshi from the eggs and all the secret exits and that crazy koopa in Castle number whatever… The underwater levels, the music, the sense of accomplishment at finally beating that fucking Butter Bridge… It’s all just amazing.

It's not like it was some simple task either. I had to go through Donut Plains and that weird forest and that chocolate land... I know it all sounds like a breeze, but believe me, it's not. Do you have any idea how many times I fell down bottom-less pits or got killed by turtle-lizards and psychotic moles? And all this with a plumber! That's not even counting those weird Reznor triceratops. A rickety windmill of dinosaurs spitting fire? That would scare anyone, and I had to face them like four times. But, I trudged through all the levels, pounded upon the front door of Bowser's castle and made my way to where the villain had the Princess. He was in some sort of weird helicopter that he must've borrowed from The Joker, but I threw some weird chomper bombs at him and blew him the hell up. It was spectacular, and now I can move on with my life.

I've beaten the greatest platformer ever, and now I can just sit back and bask in my glory.

…well I just have to beat every single level first.