Crappy Halloween Costumes

Since today is Halloween, I decided that I would give a little advice, and generally be an asshole on the topic of Halloween costumes. None of these rules apply for little kids, let them be whatever the fuck they want, but for anyone going to Halloween parties (admission is usually cheaper with a costume) here are some costumes to not wear. I also realize that it's way too late to change your costume, but maybe if you picked any of these, you should just stay home.


The Ghost:

Come on... it's a friggin' bed sheet. Did you just pull it off your little bunk there? There aren't even any eye holes on the thing. This is good for scaring your roommate after he comes home at four am from a drinking binge, but not as a costume. How lazy are you? If you're going the lazy route, really go with it... wear an OSU shirt and say you're going as a retard or an asshole or something.

Disclaimer: Wearing a bed sheet with a bunch of random holes cut in it does not count as lame.

Poor Charlie Brown

The Pirate:

Is that a feather or a sword?

Pirate used to be a fine costume, because who doesn't love pretending to be a bloodthirsty plunderer and murderer, but it's way overused now. I'm not even talking just on Halloween, ever since Pirates of the Caribbean came out, pirates are all anyone ever talks about. If you want to loot things, be a Viking or a Hun or something.

Disclaimer: This does not apply to attractive girls pirate costumes. They can wear anything that they want... well, except for our next costume...

The Pumpkin:I'm a tool!

Um... yeah... Do I even have to write about this atrocity? She looks like a pumpkin cookie, or something.

Hobo:

A flannel shirt, raincoat and a bottle of liquor do not constitute a Halloween costume, nor does not shaving or showering for a week. This is a good idea, however, if you want to sleep on the bus and not be bothered or if you want to scare little children away from your box. However, if you want to look absolutely insane... definitely go for the 1920s crazy hobo clown costume...


Well, that's all... next up: What not to Eat on Thanksgiving.