Teen Wolf Too: the Todd Howard story

Todd Howard (Jason Bateman) has problems. He’s recently been admitted to Hamilton University on a sports scholarship he doesn’t deserve. So why did they accept him? Well, Todd’s got a cool cousin, his name is Scott Howard. Scott Howard was like Todd once (an uncoordinated loser virgin) but Scott had something other guys didn’t have- a little wolf in his genes. Scott was able to use his werewolfishness to score babes, sink threethrows, ride on rape-vans and generally win over everyone he met. Scott was a cool guy. So why shouldn’t Todd expect his story, a weak repackaging of Scott’s 1985 smash hit Teen Wolf, not turn out the same way?

Because Todd doesn’t know he’s a werewolf, even though the slightest amount of pubescent cleavage or school related stress is enough to throw him into a glowing eyed, Vader voiced, sweaty hissy fit. But all that changes during one fateful dance when Todd cups the ass of the hottest piece of Georgia peach at Hamilton University. Hormones hit hard in Todd. The claws come out as they say and without much warning Todd is grabbing a hold of fat guys and pushing down old women in an attempt to hide his hairy shame.

Todd's o-face.

From there Todd’s life gets a whole lot worse. As you may or may not know minorities have not always been treated with the utmost respect in this country and werewolves are no different. It wasn’t until the mid 50s with the outcome of Chaney v. Board of Education that the desegregation of schools allowed for wolves and men alike to attend the same schools. And even after the ruling it took time for the integration to take hold, first in the youth of the nation (specifically Beacontown High School) and then on a larger scale. So it should come as no surprise when Todd, outed about his condition, is the butt of dog jokes and flea related pranks.

It seems the only person unafraid of Todd’s hidden side is Nicki, a doe-eyed biology major in one of his classes, full of masochism and suffering from sever father issues. She isn’t afraid of the animal within Todd (or the flower within herself,) even when he verbally assaults her in the library, throws some books at her, and talks down to her. Nicki is a glutton for this Teen Wolf Too’s mantic abusive love.

Soon enough Todd is pushed into the ring for his first match on the Hamilton University boxing ‘team.’ It is about here that Todd’s life changes into something a little more familiar: Scott’s life. After a few too many blows to the face Todd ‘wolfs out’ and pummels his opponent in a blur of hair and pulled punches.

Exit light. Enter montage. Todd is swept up into the fast paced life of competitive college boxing and all the perks it has to offer- most notably high hipped 80s women, fat timesless sidekicks, and fast flashy cars. With all these things Todd is also accompanied by the Wolf, who is fast becoming the high jumping, Frisbee catching, orgy hosting, Motown singing mascot the schools needs. Quickly Todd’s story devolves into a series of the training, fighting, and flirting montage with more Wolf than Todd and more hotter girls than Nicki than Nicki.

 

Who do you want to be today?

Lucky for Todd he has friends like Chubby and Stiles, who enjoyed being outperformed so much by Scott in high school they felt the need to room with less impressive cousin in college. After slowly pushing him into the wolfy limelight Stiles and Chubby come to the realization that Todd’s hormonal other side is much worse than they ever thought it could be. Not only is he more likable than them Todd also works far less. Through bitter jealousy, or maybe true friendship, Stiles shows Todd what he has become: “A jerk.”

Todd reconsiders his choices. Is it better to be different and popular, or the same and un-noticed?

Enter redemption montage. After seeing how out of hand he allowed his life to get after turning into the Wolf, Todd has a heart to heart with his uncle Harold as Scott’s father once again substitutes in for his nephews absent parents. After learning the old one-two of bowing from his over weight and over aged uncle Todd rushes over to the library to make amends for the way he’s been treating Nicki. As always Nicki is more than hhappy to accommodate Todd and as soon as he lets loose with the big “I’m sorry I hurt someone I really love” line the two spiral into a cramming session to prepare Todd for his biology final.

Enter cramming montage. Between piles of books Todd learns a whole semester of biology, taking short study breaks to pound Nicki into a sex coma all to the accompanying classic Send Me an Angel by Real Life.

Needless to say Todd aces the test and wins his last match of the season without wolfing out. I guess one night of light training, hard studying, and awkward sex can make up for nearly anything.

Also needles to say this movie has a few problems. It’s no Never Ending Story 3, but than again what is. However there are a few mistakes that go beyond forgiveness. One such mistake is the story and casting. While it’s obvious that Teen Wolf Too is a half-assed remake of Teen Wolf they try to stay as true to the initial story as possible. So much so that much of the story and characters are exactly the same- but not all. Though James Hampton returns as Uncle Harold and Mark Holton as Chubby other characters are not as well remembered, like Coach Finstock and Stiles who both reappear in Teen Wolf Too with new faces.

Anther problem with this movie is the pace. The array of montages do little to speed along the plot and instead last much longer than most of the dialog scenes. The dialog scenes are also incredibly slow. The amount of dead time (silence) in Teen Wolf Too is more uncomfortable than Todd and Nicki’s lab partner flirtations.

But perhaps most bothersome about Teen Wolf Too is how it destroys the forth way time and time again. Through out the film sighs, Frisbees and t-shirts continue to appear with the wods TEEN WOLF TOO printed on them. Its almost as if the students of Hamilton University are all aware of Todd’s cousin Scott and are clever enough to think of calling him ‘Teen Wolf Too’ as an homage to the legendary Beavers player.

The only part of this film which can honestly be commended is its excellent depiction of the werewolf as a serial rapist. Just like other movies in the same genre, like Lon Chaney, Jr.’s the Wolfman of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, Teen Wolf Too properly conveys the absolute boner-rage and forceful lust which all werewolves are driven by.

All and all Teen Wolf Too is an awful film. It’s a poor remake and worse sequel. Parts of it can be considered ‘good awful’ but it’s too slow and awkward to watch to even be enjoyed on that level. The best thing someone interested in watching this movie could do would be to watch Rocky II (2 not too) and Teen Wolf (one) side by side. Maybe the only good thing that Teen Wolf Too has going for it is that it’s a stepping stone to a better film- like Temple of Doom before it or Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation after it, Teen Wolf Too is the middle child in a three part series of excellence. What’s next? Teen Witch of course.

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